There was a lump in his throat Smoker couldn't seem to swallow away but it was just as well, it fit well, matching the pit in his stomach. A flash of memories of her temporarily flooded his mind only making the pain that much worse. Making everything feel that much more final. When he'd been a kid, when she'd first taken him by surprise with a kiss, their first words, their first morning, nights spent speaking on deck. Well hell, this was why he avoided relationships in the first place, wasn't it? He always lost his head.

"I'm not feeling particularly hungry right now and I suggest you go without me," Smoker sighed. He ran a hand through his hair again, suppressing another tremble. "If you wish me to come I will, however." The statement was impossible cold and dry but he meant every word. At least he hadn't lost his control.