justicereigns | ooc: 2 part log, Smoker/Karen + dinner with Zenigata and Tashigi

"So you're apologizing...but you don't know for what, hm?" She blinked, taking a seat a little bit ways away from him.

Smoker hung his head in his hands. "Karen I'd like to think you can be honest with me. I'd like to think I'd earned that much but right now I'm not so sure. I'm not going to force you to talk to me but I'd like you to." Smoker moved over to the railing and hung his legs down the side, leaning heavily against a bar. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong again? Or not do something I should have? I told you I don't know what you want and that still holds true. What DO you want from me? Anything? Space?" His stomach knotted at that, hoping to god otherwise. He cut himself off there before he started to get upset and raise his voice.

Karen looked over the rail as well. What did she want? Well to no longer be a bother for once...but a man of duty was a man of duty.

"I think maybe we should take a small break." She said with a frown, tilting her head to the arms she folded across the rail. "If anything just to recuperate from...I'm not sure. Anything and everything. You have your duty that you must do which I understand...but I'm not used to a sudden life outside of work and the usual-- maybe ten people."

"Karen..." Smoker felt kicked in the ribs, the wind knocked out of him. He turned to hold her with his steely gaze. "Is that what you really want or what you think is for the best? Because I'm not going to lie. I hate that idea." It hurt. He felt a little crushed, his worst fears confirmed. That he was smothering her. That, like his logia, he was choking the life out of her. His hands clenched into fists though there was no change from his expression. "I never asked you to take on my crew as your own even though I'd protect yours as my own. So if it's too much for you, then don't." What had changed? Was it just too stressful now? He'd once worried about making her feel like she had nowhere else to go and now he was desperately worried she'd leave. What a mess.

The suggestion from Rinali rang in his ears that maybe she was jealous of Tashigi or that people thought he was dating Tashigi instead of her. "Is this about Tashigi?" he asked feeling stupid. He expected an explosion but there wasn't much worse she could say to him at this point. Maybe now that she was on her feet she just wanted to be free, and he wasn't about to stop her from flying. The gruff marine swallowed hard, focusing on breathing and not losing control.

"Isn't thinking it's for the best enough?" She blinked and tilted her head, glancing over to him. Just what had been going on in her head. Even she didn't know. He flirted worse than she did, yet she was the one often taking the hits for it. She knew it was probably a set back, that others just thought of her as she truly was. One of those kind of girls. Oh well. This is why she never got involved with people...

Looking back out over the ocean, she leaned her chin on her arms, staring out as the window blew lightly through her hair. That girl he mentioned. The one that did indeed trail after Smoker at a distance she wasn't able to. Karen closed goldenrod eyes. "I know she's special to you. You don't have to explain it. And no, it's nothing about her, Smoker."

"No," Smoker growled, temperature, anger, and voice rising all at once. "No it's not. Because if this isn't what you want and it sure as hell isn't what I want I'm not going to agree to it. I already told you Karen, justice comes first but that doesn't mean I'm willing to place my job in front of you. Why are you so quick to assume I should?"

His fists clenched, "Just in what way do you think she's special to me? Do you think there's ANYONE else? Robin or..." He grit his teeth hard on the cigars trying once again not to fly into a rage even though his eyes flashed with fury. His voice dropped an octave lower, dangerously quiet but in control albeit rolling thunder, "You're going to have to tell me what brought this on because I'm too foolish to know and I don't want to spend my days regretting something I don't understand."

"I understand that, as I've told you many times before." She said quietly.

She quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head, stealing a glance at him. "Anyone else? I'm unsure what exactly your assumption is that I'm thinking right now." She said calmly.

Smoker rose to his feet frustration, hurt, fury flickering across his face before settling into disappointed resignation. "So be it Karen." He still loved her, had meant it when he'd said she'd have to try to get rid of him but felt she might as well have. "Maybe I'm just jealous myself." He shrugged. Maybe it really was just better to end things now before it got deeper. If it stung now... He held back a tremble, man of steel and refused to show the cracks, instead let out a deep sigh. "I suppose you won't want to go with Zenigata and Tashigi for dinner then. Their idea." Or maybe she would since she seemed to enjoy Zenigata's company so much, he really wasn't sure anymore.

So be it... She closed her eyes and breathed for a moment before glancing up at him, furrowing her eyebrows. "Jealous?" But he shrugged it off, so in turn so did she. "Their idea? Mm.." She tilted her head at that, thinking on it. "I wouldn't want to disturb you three, but if you're going to be comfortable with it, then I suppose I could go."

There was a lump in his throat Smoker couldn't seem to swallow away but it was just as well, it fit well, matching the pit in his stomach. A flash of memories of her temporarily flooded his mind only making the pain that much worse. Making everything feel that much more final. When he'd been a kid, when she'd first taken him by surprise with a kiss, their first words, their first morning, nights spent speaking on deck. Well hell, this was why he avoided relationships in the first place, wasn't it? He always lost his head.

"I'm not feeling particularly hungry right now and I suggest you go without me," Smoker sighed. He ran a hand through his hair again, suppressing another tremble. "If you wish me to come I will, however." The statement was impossible cold and dry but he meant every word. At least he hadn't lost his control.

She rose up and glanced out over the ocean, the moon doing it's dance on the water's rippling surface. Perhaps under her coat there could be a glimpse of something red like a scarf. A familiar trinket from the past...?

"You invited me though..and they invited us, didn't they? It would be rude to not go." She said calmly with a faint smile, though even then it was easy to tell it wasn't a real one. "But, if you're not hungry, I can't force you to go."

"Karen," Smoker's voice almost broke as he regarded her sadly. She was wearing one of her beautiful sad smiles again that he loved and hated so much. His promise to make her genuinely smile in joy more seemed hollow just then. He kept his hands firmly at his sides, not reaching out to brush her cheek as he desperately wanted to.

He was never going to feign acceptance at this, never going to be okay with letting her go, never going to be able to pretend he could just flip a switch inside himself and stop loving her. Watching her at dinner, laughing at Zenigata's antics was going to drive a knife into him. But he was still the commander, the captain of the ship. He owed it to them to remain strong in any storm. "I'll come," he said softly, seriously. "But only if you are as well." He hadn't even asked her what she wanted to do about living arrangements. She had her own room, would she want to leave the marines over this? Simply vacation somewhere else. Right around the holidays too. Hm. Plenty of time to ask her later, when he'd had a few drinks and didn't feel like breaking a ship with his jitte.

"Hm. I should go freshen up then." She said calmly with that fake smile still on her lips.It was the only thing she could do at the moment.

After standing there for what felt like forever, she turned and took a step back away from him. "I guess I'll meet you back here then along with everyone else?"

He ran a hand through his hair again and grunted softly, "I suppose you will." Inside he felt like a confused little kid again. Women seemed to do that to him universally. He took a deep smoke-filled breath and turned to lean against the railing, looking out at the ocean. He really hated this city. This last month as a whole, had been miserable and no matter how irrational it was, he was dead-set on blaming the city. He couldn't wait to get moving again.

Tashigi moved fast and towards the male, her brows drawn tight and the youngest there could tell something was wrong, simply by the way the man was holding himself. Reasons flew through her head and she tried to reason with herself that nothing had happened, it was just Karen wasn't coming, not that she and Smoker had split up. She kept her feet in line, carrying herself closer to him, almost jogging in her haste to make sure that he was okay. She reached him and quickly moved to stand in front of the male, watching his expression with a sad look. Fingers instinctively went for the battered and worn container of cigarettes she kept in her pocket and was nearly relieved to know she had them.

"Sir...? Where is..." She paused, thinking over her words carefully. "She?" She couldn't help the emotion that filtered through her voice, and she stared up for a few moments longer, her then shifting and looking away.

ooc: 2 part log, Smoker/Karen + dinner with Zenigata and Tashigi

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