justicereigns | [Video] / Action // Holiday Cheer?

[LOOK EVERYONE! It's Santa! OMG I KNOW THAT GUY!!!!]

[Wait. What is he doing in Luceti? And why is he smoking two cigars? Surely that is setting a very bad example for the kids! And dang, don't those scars look a little familiar? Along with the scowling face? Why yes! It's Smoker! Back from his kidnapping! He clears his throat gruffly and... wait for it.... wait for it....]

[Why yes! That is Smoker, dressed as Santa, caroling. It's a holiday miracle!]

Have a holly jolly Christmas....

[He sounds like someone just killed his pet. Dear god, that's about as far from "holly jolly as you can get!]

It's the best time of the year.
I don't care if there'll be snow.
I just want a rum and beer.

[... Um. We're experiencing some technical difficulties, as a green little elf hand stops the journal transmission. After a few seconds he comes back and TRIES to be a little more cheerful...ish.]

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street... [He twitches. Can he do it? Can he keep up this masquerade of holiday spirits and Santa Claus holly jolly warmth?!]
Say hello to --

No. That's it. I'm done. Keep your damn rum cookies you tyrant! I'm out of here.

[And he storms out, shutting off his journal to take it with him.

[Action:]

[If anyone wants to find him, he's skipping teaching lessons today and just bumming around the bar instead. Still stuck in his Santa costume. It doesn't come off. And thus his immense frustration. Besides Chun-Li already mentioned covering them so fuck it. Time for booze. Also, if no one stops him, he'll be lighting up his cigars with a cigar menorah. Yes. A cigar menorah. Too bad no matter how he tries he can't seem to pry the cigars out of there. Oh... and he does try. At least they keep smoking and smelling vaguely pine like! Awww how festive.]

God damn it! These cigars don't even taste like cigars! I might as well just be eating candy canes!! [Gives up and stubs them out, slumping his head into the bar. Being Smoker is suffering. Not to mention... what the hell is in that sack he's got anyway?]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Hm. Do as I say, not as I do is a popular way to enforce things.

[ She shrugs. ]

Breaking in is entering a building without the consent on the owner's part, so he is trespassing at the very least. It's not a physical act of breaking something, he just forces his way in.

[It's a testament to Smoker's suffering that Firo doesn't even consider suggesting something ridiculous to mess with him. That would just be too cruel.]

Well, I guess you could deliver presents to a lotta kids, like how you said you were gonna give candy canes to that one girl. That's what Santa's supposed to do, right? So if you do all that they won't need to mess with you like this anymore.

[Not that they need an excuse, but he's trying to be optimistic.]

[ Surely since Santa's so smart, right? .. Riiiight? ]

They would? .. I wouldn't be intruding on their Christmas fun..?

[Totally was rhetorical.]

That...makes sense I guess.

But rarely effective.

Trespassing maybe, but he's not even forcing his way in, and people leave out cookies and milk for him. It's more like waiting for an expected guest who only comes for a very short time.

[He appreciates that. Being trollbait is suffering.]

So if I give out the candy canes and just... go with this costume, then it'll stop?

Definitely not! Ho ho ho! I know for sure they'd much rather have you join them.

Come to think of it, our ocean probably does have more particles than most given the White Sea and seastone.

[Why is he even contemplating this now?]

[He shrugs.]

Don't get too excited. I have no idea how this whole thing works, but maybe... It's gotta be worth a shot, right?

I'll try. What's the worst that could happen?

[The next morning he wakes up strung in Christmas lights and tinsel. Oops.]

Point, but, in this case, I'm pretty sure some people don't want him in their homes since the elves are just not very appealing. I know I don't want him in my home if this is how his underlings act.

Edited 2013-01-22 07:48 (UTC)

[Oh for fuck's sake! Maybe if she tries a special hollow. There may be property damage, but whatever. Perona can take that risk. Hell, maybe she'll blow up Smoker if she's luc--]

[SUDDENLY LIP-LOCKED!]

[Oh god.

Oh god.

Smoker is kissing me.

SMOKER IS KISSING ME.]

[MOTHER OF FUCK, HE TASTES LIKE ASPHALT.]

Edited (feckin typos) 2013-01-22 14:17 (UTC)

[Welp, that sure was the loudest scream Perona has ever uttered in her entire life. Enough to make a banshee jealous, most definitely.]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH!

TRIPLE NEGATIVE HOLLOW!

[Fuck your leaving, man, Perona's not going to allow it until she's left her mark on your soul. And possibly your skull. Those ghosts look positively murderous as they launch at Smoker from Perona's palms, the girl holding her arms tight and shaking violently after she let them loose.]

Gh...geeh...ghhk--! I-I need to...t-t-to wash...m-my mouth...

[And, after swiping a jug of beer from a passing waitress, Perona wipes her mouth, slams the mug on the counter and goes over to Smoker if he's down.]

YOU! You...y-you defiled my lips! I'll never forgive you, you bastard! I'll never forgive you for this, so don't you dare show your face to me ever again!

[And, if able, Perona will deliver a merciless kick to the poor man's gut. No, she is not pleased with this bullshit. That was foul.]

[Smoker instantly twitches and puts both of his hands up to cover his ears. FUCK THAT WAS PAINFUL. WHAT THE HELL HARPY!?]

[Which leaves him completely open to the hollows.]

[He falls over on the ground.]

I don't deserve to live and breath the same air as you. I wish to be reborn as a pirate amoeba. [The lowest form of amoeba okay.]

[This also leaves him completely open to the kick. But by that point he kind of doesn't really care. Because he deserves worse than a kick, okay, okay.]

The elves are a poor representation, just the Malnosso being Christmas angels. [HINT: Angel was not the word he was going for there.]

[The most beautiful Christmas tree of all!]

Not sure I wanna think about the worst...

[He's sure if the malnosso really wanted they could have the candy canes come to life and attack Smoker. Or something like that.]

But it probably won't hurt.

White sea and seastone?? What does that have to do with this at all?

[It's only mildly satisfying, being able to kick Smoker while he's down and wallowing in his self-loathing. Perona's just too riled up and disgusted at what just happened to feel any kind of happiness at all. She's practically seething with rage, stepping over the fallen marine and not even looking at him as he whines and complain due to the hollow's effects. She just doesn't care. Perona wants to get the fuck out of this place right now - be as far from Smoker as possible - lest she actually listen to her darker side and choke him.

Ugh...ugh! She's never going to get the taste of tar out of her mouth. No matter how much she spits, drinks, or washes her poor, poor mouth.]

[There's a joke to be made somewhere in here about how at least she didn't kick him in the nuts, but all things considered, it probably wouldn't change anything. He's just as emasculated, sickened, and still on the floor hating himself and the fact that he's a man.]

[Also Mistletoe. As much as they hate each other, can they at least agree to hate the mistletoe more?]

[He's just gonna stay here awhile. Until his elf finds him and probably punishes him for living. Being Smoker is suffering almost as much as being kissed by him.]

Seastone is made from the ocean, it's a solid form that negates devil fruit powers.

The White Sea is an ocean in the clouds. Made from some of the particles in the ocean getting trapped in the clouds and turning it a little more solid.

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