[The first time Smoker held back so much just because pirate. And he didn't know what he wanted. And he couldn't really think in terms of what he wanted beyond "Arrest pirates." And for what it was worth... family, adopting kids, "love" even as = agony according to Namur for Smoker (maybe especially because!!!!), sex, dating, ALL OF IT was things Smoker very much would have said he DID NOT WANT.]
[This time he's holding back, because memories. Portgas to adjust. Smoker to stop flinching at tiny things that reminded him of Faye. Remembering hot dogs or flowers or conspiring with Gale to make her happy.]
[Smoker opens one eye on Portgas.]
You're not a rebound.
[That's... vastly important. Because Smoker wouldn't disrespect either of them, Faye, Portgas, and even SMOKER HIMSELF like that.]
[His ears flick in thought.]
And I'm not just here, because of stuff you can't remember. I'm here because of stuff you did this time. Listening. Paying attention.
Being you.
Don't forget it.
[Both eyes closed again. When does Smoker stop thinking?]
[When adrenaline overrides everything else.]
[It wears off though.]
[But while it's going...]
[It's hard to curb the memories. Short black hair through his fingers. Scents. Sounds. Fights. Separate pairs of fingers on his ears.]
[A quiet snort, and one eye open again.]
Conceding the window is bigger permission than you think. I only did it the first time, because replacing it is expensive and pointless. [Well... not "only...." He liked having Portgas around. Obviously. Like he said.]
[People get used to wanting Portgas there, and accepting whatever Ace will give them.]
[Except Smoker.]
[Who grins impishly, and before Ace can react to do anything, especially since he already tested Ace's reflexes when the pirate first arrived; pins Portgas down to the ground, holding his shoulders down with one arm in a well practiced wrestling grapple.]
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[And Smoker gulps a little.]
[His heart LEAPS into his throat.]
[Fuck, he has to close his eyes again.]
I know.
[It's not like... well... either of them.]
[The first time Smoker held back so much just because pirate. And he didn't know what he wanted. And he couldn't really think in terms of what he wanted beyond "Arrest pirates." And for what it was worth... family, adopting kids, "love" even as = agony according to Namur for Smoker (maybe especially because!!!!), sex, dating, ALL OF IT was things Smoker very much would have said he DID NOT WANT.]
[This time he's holding back, because memories. Portgas to adjust. Smoker to stop flinching at tiny things that reminded him of Faye. Remembering hot dogs or flowers or conspiring with Gale to make her happy.]
[Smoker opens one eye on Portgas.]
You're not a rebound.
[That's... vastly important. Because Smoker wouldn't disrespect either of them, Faye, Portgas, and even SMOKER HIMSELF like that.]
[His ears flick in thought.]
And I'm not just here, because of stuff you can't remember. I'm here because of stuff you did this time. Listening. Paying attention.
Being you.
Don't forget it.
[Both eyes closed again. When does Smoker stop thinking?]
[When adrenaline overrides everything else.]
[It wears off though.]
[But while it's going...]
[It's hard to curb the memories. Short black hair through his fingers. Scents. Sounds. Fights. Separate pairs of fingers on his ears.]
[A quiet snort, and one eye open again.]
Conceding the window is bigger permission than you think. I only did it the first time, because replacing it is expensive and pointless. [Well... not "only...." He liked having Portgas around. Obviously. Like he said.]
[People get used to wanting Portgas there, and accepting whatever Ace will give them.]
[Except Smoker.]
[Who grins impishly, and before Ace can react to do anything, especially since he already tested Ace's reflexes when the pirate first arrived; pins Portgas down to the ground, holding his shoulders down with one arm in a well practiced wrestling grapple.]