Didn't think you would. You'd like it, me all spread out for you, putting on a good show. [He blinks. Something needs to be done.] I need to get some of the stuff you used, spit only does so much.
Flavored condoms, dildos so you don't have to use your fingers, fuzzy handcuffs, [Thinks.] Oh. Porn. Err, for people who want videos other people fucking. Some wilder shit. Avoid the whips and chains, Portgas. No matter how much you trust me, you start with that and I'll just stick a ball gag in your mouth. They have those too. And anal beads and cock rings and....
[Right this reminds him. THE TALK he promised not to ignore. Cuddles his dumb young pirate. Ex-Pirate. He wondered if he could buy off Portgas' bounty here and if it'd count. Well, it wouldn't because Portgas didn't have one here. So it was a silly moot thought anyway. But slapping Akainu with a fat wad of red bills was a GREAT mental image Smoker is going to hold onto and maybe share.]
Look, some diseases get spread through semen and -- other sexual things. Blood too. Remember how I said if Namur ever picks up something I hated to be in that chain? Yeah. That's how it works. Augustine and Rip are vampires-ish. So diseases like that are different for them, and I don't know how it is for fishmen and mermaids, I think mermaids were weaker to human diseases though, annnnnd Rowan is a wolf, but I don't know what that means for her regeneration or now. But don't count on your logia protecting you. [Points to the scar on his head.] Not even logia can protect you from everything.
You probably know some fishmen and giants don't want to mix blood. Most of it's superstition, but some of it is just... diseases change species to species, and humans spread a lot of disease in sex. Things like condoms help protect against it, all right?
And if me or anyone else ever, ever pushes you to do something you don't like... don't pull some tough guy shit. There's no fucking shame in not liking certain stuff. Or being vanilla. Sex with someone you like is never boring. So if you need to spice it up, it's them, and your relationship with them, not the sex. And sex won't fix that.
[Quiet for a moment... and fuck it. Let's just throw it all at the wall, Smoker figures.]
Tell me honestly, how much does the Daddy thing bother you? Honestly, Portgas.
Okay, I... [Ace is seriously pink cheeked now.] Dildos replace fingers, right? Gags... keep you shut up. I don't wanna see other people having sex, I don't want whips, chains, cuffs, anything that makes me think of prison. I like it when you get rough with me, when it feels like you're making me do something even though I know I have a choice in it. But I don't wanna end up too freaked out, y'know? If you want something like that you gotta give me time, or really get me worked up. Because tied? Sure. But cuffed'll make me remember Impel Down. Damn...
[He doesn't know about so much of this, and he feels ignorant. Like he's behind somehow. But Dadan didn't want to handle sexual education, Ace was so angry as a child and teen that arousal didn't even factor in at first, and his desires and tastes weren't really shaping until recently. He's just now learning what feels good, so this is a lot of deal with.
The talk of diseases catches his interest, and he's heard about people being called dirty before, in regards to relationships and sex. And goodness, that's probably the main use of a condom, to keep clean and safe. But he doesn't think he really likes the idea of it anyway, as long as Smoker stays clean.] Okay. Got it. What don't you like? Is there anything you don't wanna do? [Ace pauses again at the daddy talk, and has to figure out how to breech this subject.] It felt wrong, and good at the same time. I liked how you reacted, and I like that you're older than me... [It feels dirty sometimes, in a fun way.] I like things that feel like I shouldn't do them. But it's also... [Gods, how to say this.] Does it bother you? I don't know how I feel about it, but I also like saying it. As long as it gets you to fuck me, it's something worth callin' you.
Dildos are... like artificial cocks. They also have vibrators. Usually more for women. Dildos can go up the ass. But anal beads are... definitely for the ass, and -- seriously? You wear this necklace and no one's ever been lewd about uses for it on you? -- whatever. They're specifically for the ass, dildos are more to play with your prostate.
I don't want to remind you of Impel Down, that would depress me. [Kisses Ace's forehead. Dumb brat.]
You don't have to do anything special to make me fuck you, Portgas. [Tugs him by the beads and kisses hard again, tongue lapping at Ace's mouth this time and very lightly grinding against him to remind Ace just how easily he turned Smoker on.] Honestly, you sucking on ears or fingers in public makes me snap hard enough to need to fuck you right then and there, what makes you think you have to try so hard?
[Snorts, and nuzzles, and moves around so Ace is on top for a bit so Ace can have better control of the situation for now.]
It makes me nervous. Not because of me, but because...
I know it's a loaded thing. For you. Adela's only a few years younger than you, Whitebeard meant everything other than your brothers, and...
[Tilts his head and braces to get punched in the face.] I know you loathe Roger.
[Taps Smoker's temples with two fingers.] Like I said, brat. I stop thinking almost never. I put it on hold while I'm fucking you, but eventually it starts up again. So it's not that I dislike it, but I can't separate it. Or compartmentalize it. And if you actually thought of me as --
[B L U S H.]
[Glances sideways!]
[EARS RED.]
[How does he?]
[Pulls Ace down for a hard kiss.]
[BRACES FOR MORE PUNCHES!!! o_<] I'm hardly going to mind being compared to the the greatest pirates before your brothers' time.
No one's ever said anything like that! But I've got a lot that I need to get, gotta have fun stuff to use when I'm showing off for you. We'll make a date of it. [He grins cheekily, all bright eyed mischief now that he's not so sex drugged. But god, Smoker saying that it would depress him to make Ace think of Impel Down is amazing, he feels so cared for, and Ace presses an especially sweet kiss against Smoker in response. Which turns into a hell of an intense kiss, and Ace presses his hips up against Smoker in response to the grinding, he's not light about anything. ] Oh, so you've got a thing for your fingers being sucked too? I'm gonna take advantage of that.
[Once on top of Smoker, Ace pulls himself into a seated position, mimicking the position that he's desperate to try out. And honestly, he's tempted to reach back and grasp Smoker's cock, jerk him to tempt him, round two is absolutely in the brat's mind. But instead he grabs one of Smoker's hands and laps at his skin, before sucking gently on two fingers. Making sure to keep his eyes on Smoker while he does.]
[But then Smoker says that it makes him nervous, and that it's a loaded thing, and why the fuck did he have to bring up that man when Ace is naked and happy and curious about nicer things?
He lets the fingers slip from his mouth and he sighs.]
Look, I'm gonna be honest. I think I'm in love with you. You're fucking fantastic. The sex was the best thing I've ever felt. But fuck's sake, Smoker. This makes me want to fucking punch the hell out of you.
[Ace brought this on himself with the daddy kink bullshit. He really did. And he reaches over, without even getting up, and pulls a pillow off of the bed and shoves his face into it and screams in frustration. And then tosses it aside.]
I really... don't know how I feel about him. Pops was my father. Roger was dead before I was born, and I used to hate him. I really did. But... [Ace buries his face in his hands and wants to scream again. This is so hard. And he wanted to fuck again, not get caught up on his multitude of fucking father issues.] Prison and execution kinda shifted things. I-Why are we talking about this?!
[GOD. IF THERE WAS A SELF-LOATHING CHART OR THERMOMETER, SMOKER JUST BROKE IT.]
[As soon as Ace latches onto the words about having his fingers sucked, Smoker winces, and feels like Garp having a "Shouldn't have said that moment." And then when Ace sucks on them? HE KNOWS HE SHOULDN'T HAVE. Because he all but snaps and throws Ace to the floor to fuck him madly.]
[AND THEN EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL IN THE EPIC FASHION IT ONLY CAN WITH SMOKER BECAUSE SMOKER IS A FUCK UP WHO CAN'T HANDLE EMOTIONS AND SERIOUS SHIT EVER.]
[Yes.]
[Beautiful.]
[Wait...]
[DON'T TELL HIM YOU MORE THAN LIKE HIM. HE CAN BARELY HANDLE YOU LIKING HIM!!!]
[Fuck fuck fuck.]
[Breathe.]
I really wish you would.
[Quietly about Ace punching the hell out of him.]
[And as Ace screams into the pillow, Smoker winces and moves to cuddle the brat all the same, and gently kisses Ace's knuckles.]
[WORDS.]
[Fuck.]
[He is WORSE with words than emotions. Is that possible? Maybe they're just equally at 0. Or in the negatives.]
[More kissing Ace's knuckles and Smoker quietly moves him into his lap, willing to let Ace punch him as needed.]
Easier when you don't think about it and get to play tough, isn't it?
[A quiet snort, because Smoker knows it is. He's the same way. Was trying to do that from the start and Ace and others didn't really let him.]
[Finally Smoker takes Ace's face in both hands and leans his forehead against Ace's.]
[Firefist. Portgas. Brat. Hot Sauce. Mine. Just call him Ace. How HARD is that? Okay, it almost took a year to call Aizawa Shouta, and he's not a pirate, but... so what? He's known Ace a lot longer. Why is he so weak?!]
[He gives up trying and back to kissing knuckles.]
I said you're worth taking it slow for. This is some shit I shouldn't neglect. And if you let me... I always will. I'll always turn it into fucking you, and trying to make you smile, because I'm not strong enough yet.
[Pushes Ace to lie down in front of him with Smoker on his side protectively holding Ace like a smaller spoon. Love. Fuck. Fuck. Okay part of him... had to know it. He's just... Bad at every single ounce of this.]
Ace.
[He did it! It's not "I love you," but... it's a step.]
[Smoker moves to gently lay Ace flat to look him in the eyes and pin him with his other elbow under Ace's shoulder.]
[There's a lot of emotions. And even though Smoker doesn't experience them nearly as close to the surface and overwhelmingly as Ace, he gets it. It's like he tried to tell Ace before. It fucked with his head...]
[Which is why he can't help it. He starts laughing, and grabs a cigar for both of them again.]
[It's a tough word for him. For now, he just has to do his best to show things, and hope that counts. And he moves back to Ace's side, though, he leaves an arm protectively over Ace's shoulders and gently kisses his cheek near his an ear with an affectionate dog-like nudge.]
Sorry.
[Another chuckle.] All this was... shit I was thinking, but at least I didn't have to... feel it. [Closes his eyes and snorts, and moves his cigar to kisses Ace's lips, before putting the cigar back and sucking on his own.]
[Timing. Wait or...?]
[For now, Smoker just gauges Ace's temper to see how heated his blood is about all of it.]
[Ace is quiet, laying still for a bit. It takes him a minute to actually get any response out, and he's not sure if he's mad or not. The kisses are fine, the attention is good, but he's a bit broken up over all of this. And he feels like he has to get it out now. Like his feelings are going to grow and grow and consume him and everything else like the fires within unleashed if he doesn't actually force them out.]
I used to fucking hate him. Everyone wanted me to die, or thought I shoulda been killed before birth, and my mom held me in until her damn body gave out, just because of him. And I was so mad, that he even had a lover. I didn't want to be born, I didn't ask for him to father me. I didn't want my mom to die. Or all those people who got hunted down because they wanted to kill me before I could get in their way. I-[Ace is shaken up, and he shifts so he can bury his face against Smoker comfortably.] I know that I wasn't worth of love, that because of that blood, I should have died, that's what I was told for as long as I remember. And it was easy to push all of that pain onto a corpse that was already shit on by the government.
[Ace trembles, and won't look at Smoker.] I know I'm fucking touchy about him. He was the greatest and I was just what was left behind. And the Marines got us both, so there's nothing left of Gol D. Roger now. They won. And I'm here, in this fucked up world, trying to figure out how I feel about anything. And I don't want you to be a father to me, or play that role, because won't that mean losing out on this? I won't even say it in play if it means you won't hold me properly, treat me well and keep me with you. I don't think I can just be a kid to you, even if I love your guidance and strength.
[Okay, he is a grown ass adult. He can fucking handle this.]
[Although he protectively cuddles the hell out of Ace.]
[And snorts quietly. And gives more kisses.] Portgas, I'm not going to stop fucking you, no matter what you do. I already tried a dozen times. I'm giving up that fight. You win. I'm yours.
Guidance and strength....
All right. Come here, Portgas.
[PICKS HIM UP IN A GIANT SMOKER CLOUD OF CUDDLES until he figures out a position to hold Ace, his lover, just right.]
Nothing you say, nothing you do, will ever make me stop wanting to fucking you. It might make me worry. About you. Got it? [Pets Ace's hair and kisses the top of his head.] I told you, half of your family worried you were only with me to punish yourself. Sometimes even I wondered.
[Pet.]
[CUDDLE HUG!!!]
[FIERCEST HUG.]
I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone. Not any other version of you, not Kuzan, not a damn soul.
I saw Roger's execution -- that's well known. What isn't... I became a marine, to try to best him too.
When I said you're my only equal, I mean it. [Serious eyes on Ace's. Waiting for a glimmer of understanding sinking in.] I figured it out. A while ago. Only here. But I knew you wanted to best him too. And part of why Straw Hat has to be King for you. [Ruffles Ace's hair and holds him close, his heart to Ace's head. Giant fluffy cuddly hug.] Your words influencing me to take up G5 and lead them... and letting them be so much like you personally... you did more than him. More than Roger.
[Ruffles Ace's hair.] People talk a lot about the things he did, but you didn't leave people behind. You moved them forward. Do you understand?
[Snuggles his Ace.]
I don't think of him as your father. You made it very clear Whitebeard is your only father. And you fought to make that clear. And the world sees you a lot more as a son of Whitebeard than anything else.
And Portgas?
[Kisses his forehead.] I'm glad you were born. And yeah, I'm pretty shit at showing it, but I'm grateful you barreled into my life even worse than your younger brother and fucked it all up for me. Okay? [Messes his full hand in Ace's hair.] You deserve better than you give yourself credit for.
I meant it though. You could call me almost anything and it'll turn me on. It's a problem. Damn good thing I don't have to pretend respectability. And good thing I'm not a Guardian. Getting a hard-on every time you text me would be a problem. [Half joking, half serious, 100% trying to cheer Ace up.]
You don't have to fight the past anymore. All right? [Kisses his forehead!] Or the world. Or me. Do what you want. Within reason. [Snort and leans his head on Ace.] You mean more to me than I thought anything ever could. I want to hate it... but I can't. If it's you... it's just part of my world getting a little bigger. And better. A lot better.
Ace trembles at that, swallowing hard as if he could push down all of that emotion, and then it's over. He can't hold back and he really does cry against Smoker. He believes him, he's so grateful and it's stupid to be losing his head over this like a dumb kid but he can't help it. It's one thing for family to love him, to feel like he was worth the trouble and pain, but this is Smoker. His lover. Who was once his enemy. And he's got even less reason to feel that way about him, and it makes him almost angry. He doesn't feel worthy. And his world is twisting and shaking up and everything is too much right now.]
[Just cuddles him and lays on his back with Ace on top like Ace is a giant cat and gently strokes his hair.]
[It's only understandable. All of it. He shouldn't have been banned from existence. It wasn't Ace's birth that was wrong, it was the world. And as frustrating as it is for Smoker to have to rethink and analyze and CHANGE HIS MIND and how he deals with life and always more and more complicated... it's still better.]
[His Ace.]
[Smoker gently kisses the top of Ace's head and lets him keep crying, still petting.]
[Also the VERY MOST MESSED UP part of Smoker kind of feels like this is only RIGHT. Ace turned Smoker's world on its head, Smoker was messing up Ace's. For once. Payback. Equals.]
[And Ace just cries it out, disgusting and unattractive and he doesn't care that he looks like a mess. Because he held this back from everyone, even Marco didn't get the full brunt of his pain. And Marco now functions as a father figure, somehow. And once it's all out, petted and held and kept close, he punches the bed a few times angrily, and grabs at his abandoned shorts to use to wipe his face on.] See, this is your fault. You make me think too much. [He sighs.] Any more stupid serious that needs to be covered, daddy?
[His eyes are closed though because, this is again, shit he's never told a god damn soul. Even any other Ace. But if Ace finds out later...]
I like Roger. I think he knew a lot more about the world than anyone gives him credit for. I've only ever done things with full conviction, and when I don't have that, is when I hesitate.
"Inherited Will, The Destiny of the Age, and The Dreams of the People. As long as people continue to pursue the meaning of Freedom, these things will never cease to be."
[Smoker just blushes HEAD TO TOE. And looks up at the ceiling.]
[Final thing. He can do this. Maybe.]
[His voice is SO QUIET though.]
Roger gave me conviction. You taught me how to live. [Shoves Ace's face with one hand. It's such an easy word. Come on. ONE VOWEL CHANGE BARELY DIFFERENT.] I wouldn't have Adela without you. Or the dogs. Or G-5. Or Faye. Or Augustine. And this you or not...
[Lets go of Ace's face and looks at him. Dying to figure out the right words.]
[Need. Want. Adore.]
[FUCK HE IS SO RED.]
[Don't look at him!]
I wouldn't be me if not for you. [Is that love? It's not... NOT love right? Even if it feels more ridiculous and expansive like he said before. Ace set Smoker's entire life on fire and wrote his name in the ashes.]
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[Which is tsun speak for "I want it."]
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[Right this reminds him. THE TALK he promised not to ignore. Cuddles his dumb young pirate. Ex-Pirate. He wondered if he could buy off Portgas' bounty here and if it'd count. Well, it wouldn't because Portgas didn't have one here. So it was a silly moot thought anyway. But slapping Akainu with a fat wad of red bills was a GREAT mental image Smoker is going to hold onto and maybe share.]
Look, some diseases get spread through semen and -- other sexual things. Blood too. Remember how I said if Namur ever picks up something I hated to be in that chain? Yeah. That's how it works. Augustine and Rip are vampires-ish. So diseases like that are different for them, and I don't know how it is for fishmen and mermaids, I think mermaids were weaker to human diseases though, annnnnd Rowan is a wolf, but I don't know what that means for her regeneration or now. But don't count on your logia protecting you. [Points to the scar on his head.] Not even logia can protect you from everything.
You probably know some fishmen and giants don't want to mix blood. Most of it's superstition, but some of it is just... diseases change species to species, and humans spread a lot of disease in sex. Things like condoms help protect against it, all right?
And if me or anyone else ever, ever pushes you to do something you don't like... don't pull some tough guy shit. There's no fucking shame in not liking certain stuff. Or being vanilla. Sex with someone you like is never boring. So if you need to spice it up, it's them, and your relationship with them, not the sex. And sex won't fix that.
[Quiet for a moment... and fuck it. Let's just throw it all at the wall, Smoker figures.]
Tell me honestly, how much does the Daddy thing bother you? Honestly, Portgas.
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[He doesn't know about so much of this, and he feels ignorant. Like he's behind somehow. But Dadan didn't want to handle sexual education, Ace was so angry as a child and teen that arousal didn't even factor in at first, and his desires and tastes weren't really shaping until recently. He's just now learning what feels good, so this is a lot of deal with.
The talk of diseases catches his interest, and he's heard about people being called dirty before, in regards to relationships and sex. And goodness, that's probably the main use of a condom, to keep clean and safe. But he doesn't think he really likes the idea of it anyway, as long as Smoker stays clean.] Okay. Got it. What don't you like? Is there anything you don't wanna do? [Ace pauses again at the daddy talk, and has to figure out how to breech this subject.] It felt wrong, and good at the same time. I liked how you reacted, and I like that you're older than me... [It feels dirty sometimes, in a fun way.] I like things that feel like I shouldn't do them. But it's also... [Gods, how to say this.] Does it bother you? I don't know how I feel about it, but I also like saying it. As long as it gets you to fuck me, it's something worth callin' you.
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I don't want to remind you of Impel Down, that would depress me. [Kisses Ace's forehead. Dumb brat.]
You don't have to do anything special to make me fuck you, Portgas. [Tugs him by the beads and kisses hard again, tongue lapping at Ace's mouth this time and very lightly grinding against him to remind Ace just how easily he turned Smoker on.] Honestly, you sucking on ears or fingers in public makes me snap hard enough to need to fuck you right then and there, what makes you think you have to try so hard?
[Snorts, and nuzzles, and moves around so Ace is on top for a bit so Ace can have better control of the situation for now.]
It makes me nervous. Not because of me, but because...
I know it's a loaded thing. For you. Adela's only a few years younger than you, Whitebeard meant everything other than your brothers, and...
[Tilts his head and braces to get punched in the face.] I know you loathe Roger.
[Taps Smoker's temples with two fingers.] Like I said, brat. I stop thinking almost never. I put it on hold while I'm fucking you, but eventually it starts up again. So it's not that I dislike it, but I can't separate it. Or compartmentalize it. And if you actually thought of me as --
[B L U S H.]
[Glances sideways!]
[EARS RED.]
[How does he?]
[Pulls Ace down for a hard kiss.]
[BRACES FOR MORE PUNCHES!!! o_<] I'm hardly going to mind being compared to the the greatest pirates before your brothers' time.
1/?????????? Oh god Smoker you're gonna break him
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He lets the fingers slip from his mouth and he sighs.]
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Done
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[As soon as Ace latches onto the words about having his fingers sucked, Smoker winces, and feels like Garp having a "Shouldn't have said that moment." And then when Ace sucks on them? HE KNOWS HE SHOULDN'T HAVE. Because he all but snaps and throws Ace to the floor to fuck him madly.]
[AND THEN EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL IN THE EPIC FASHION IT ONLY CAN WITH SMOKER BECAUSE SMOKER IS A FUCK UP WHO CAN'T HANDLE EMOTIONS AND SERIOUS SHIT EVER.]
[Yes.]
[Beautiful.]
[Wait...]
[DON'T TELL HIM YOU MORE THAN LIKE HIM. HE CAN BARELY HANDLE YOU LIKING HIM!!!]
[Fuck fuck fuck.]
[Breathe.]
I really wish you would.
[Quietly about Ace punching the hell out of him.]
[And as Ace screams into the pillow, Smoker winces and moves to cuddle the brat all the same, and gently kisses Ace's knuckles.]
[WORDS.]
[Fuck.]
[He is WORSE with words than emotions. Is that possible? Maybe they're just equally at 0. Or in the negatives.]
[More kissing Ace's knuckles and Smoker quietly moves him into his lap, willing to let Ace punch him as needed.]
Easier when you don't think about it and get to play tough, isn't it?
[A quiet snort, because Smoker knows it is. He's the same way. Was trying to do that from the start and Ace and others didn't really let him.]
[Finally Smoker takes Ace's face in both hands and leans his forehead against Ace's.]
[Firefist. Portgas. Brat. Hot Sauce. Mine. Just call him Ace. How HARD is that? Okay, it almost took a year to call Aizawa Shouta, and he's not a pirate, but... so what? He's known Ace a lot longer. Why is he so weak?!]
[He gives up trying and back to kissing knuckles.]
I said you're worth taking it slow for. This is some shit I shouldn't neglect. And if you let me... I always will. I'll always turn it into fucking you, and trying to make you smile, because I'm not strong enough yet.
[Pushes Ace to lie down in front of him with Smoker on his side protectively holding Ace like a smaller spoon. Love. Fuck. Fuck. Okay part of him... had to know it. He's just... Bad at every single ounce of this.]
Ace.
[He did it! It's not "I love you," but... it's a step.]
[Smoker moves to gently lay Ace flat to look him in the eyes and pin him with his other elbow under Ace's shoulder.]
[There's a lot of emotions. And even though Smoker doesn't experience them nearly as close to the surface and overwhelmingly as Ace, he gets it. It's like he tried to tell Ace before. It fucked with his head...]
[Which is why he can't help it. He starts laughing, and grabs a cigar for both of them again.]
[It's a tough word for him. For now, he just has to do his best to show things, and hope that counts. And he moves back to Ace's side, though, he leaves an arm protectively over Ace's shoulders and gently kisses his cheek near his an ear with an affectionate dog-like nudge.]
Sorry.
[Another chuckle.] All this was... shit I was thinking, but at least I didn't have to... feel it. [Closes his eyes and snorts, and moves his cigar to kisses Ace's lips, before putting the cigar back and sucking on his own.]
[Timing. Wait or...?]
[For now, Smoker just gauges Ace's temper to see how heated his blood is about all of it.]
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I used to fucking hate him. Everyone wanted me to die, or thought I shoulda been killed before birth, and my mom held me in until her damn body gave out, just because of him. And I was so mad, that he even had a lover. I didn't want to be born, I didn't ask for him to father me. I didn't want my mom to die. Or all those people who got hunted down because they wanted to kill me before I could get in their way. I-[Ace is shaken up, and he shifts so he can bury his face against Smoker comfortably.] I know that I wasn't worth of love, that because of that blood, I should have died, that's what I was told for as long as I remember. And it was easy to push all of that pain onto a corpse that was already shit on by the government.
[Ace trembles, and won't look at Smoker.] I know I'm fucking touchy about him. He was the greatest and I was just what was left behind. And the Marines got us both, so there's nothing left of Gol D. Roger now. They won. And I'm here, in this fucked up world, trying to figure out how I feel about anything. And I don't want you to be a father to me, or play that role, because won't that mean losing out on this? I won't even say it in play if it means you won't hold me properly, treat me well and keep me with you. I don't think I can just be a kid to you, even if I love your guidance and strength.
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[Okay, he is a grown ass adult. He can fucking handle this.]
[Although he protectively cuddles the hell out of Ace.]
[And snorts quietly. And gives more kisses.] Portgas, I'm not going to stop fucking you, no matter what you do. I already tried a dozen times. I'm giving up that fight. You win. I'm yours.
Guidance and strength....
All right. Come here, Portgas.
[PICKS HIM UP IN A GIANT SMOKER CLOUD OF CUDDLES until he figures out a position to hold Ace, his lover, just right.]
Nothing you say, nothing you do, will ever make me stop wanting to fucking you. It might make me worry. About you. Got it? [Pets Ace's hair and kisses the top of his head.] I told you, half of your family worried you were only with me to punish yourself. Sometimes even I wondered.
[Pet.]
[CUDDLE HUG!!!]
[FIERCEST HUG.]
I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone. Not any other version of you, not Kuzan, not a damn soul.
I saw Roger's execution -- that's well known. What isn't... I became a marine, to try to best him too.
When I said you're my only equal, I mean it. [Serious eyes on Ace's. Waiting for a glimmer of understanding sinking in.] I figured it out. A while ago. Only here. But I knew you wanted to best him too. And part of why Straw Hat has to be King for you. [Ruffles Ace's hair and holds him close, his heart to Ace's head. Giant fluffy cuddly hug.] Your words influencing me to take up G5 and lead them... and letting them be so much like you personally... you did more than him. More than Roger.
[Ruffles Ace's hair.] People talk a lot about the things he did, but you didn't leave people behind. You moved them forward. Do you understand?
[Snuggles his Ace.]
I don't think of him as your father. You made it very clear Whitebeard is your only father. And you fought to make that clear. And the world sees you a lot more as a son of Whitebeard than anything else.
And Portgas?
[Kisses his forehead.] I'm glad you were born. And yeah, I'm pretty shit at showing it, but I'm grateful you barreled into my life even worse than your younger brother and fucked it all up for me. Okay? [Messes his full hand in Ace's hair.] You deserve better than you give yourself credit for.
I meant it though. You could call me almost anything and it'll turn me on. It's a problem. Damn good thing I don't have to pretend respectability. And good thing I'm not a Guardian. Getting a hard-on every time you text me would be a problem. [Half joking, half serious, 100% trying to cheer Ace up.]
You don't have to fight the past anymore. All right? [Kisses his forehead!] Or the world. Or me. Do what you want. Within reason. [Snort and leans his head on Ace.] You mean more to me than I thought anything ever could. I want to hate it... but I can't. If it's you... it's just part of my world getting a little bigger. And better. A lot better.
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Ace trembles at that, swallowing hard as if he could push down all of that emotion, and then it's over. He can't hold back and he really does cry against Smoker. He believes him, he's so grateful and it's stupid to be losing his head over this like a dumb kid but he can't help it. It's one thing for family to love him, to feel like he was worth the trouble and pain, but this is Smoker. His lover. Who was once his enemy. And he's got even less reason to feel that way about him, and it makes him almost angry. He doesn't feel worthy. And his world is twisting and shaking up and everything is too much right now.]
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[It's only understandable. All of it. He shouldn't have been banned from existence. It wasn't Ace's birth that was wrong, it was the world. And as frustrating as it is for Smoker to have to rethink and analyze and CHANGE HIS MIND and how he deals with life and always more and more complicated... it's still better.]
[His Ace.]
[Smoker gently kisses the top of Ace's head and lets him keep crying, still petting.]
[Also the VERY MOST MESSED UP part of Smoker kind of feels like this is only RIGHT. Ace turned Smoker's world on its head, Smoker was messing up Ace's. For once. Payback. Equals.]
[All the pets.]
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You'll punch me, but it might be worth it.
How are you feeling, Ace? [Twice! See? Twice. He's getting better at this. Maybe.]
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I didn't punch you for what you said earlier, so what could you bring up that'd make me do it now?
[He shakes his head.] I'm okay. Messed up a little, but my head's clearing. [Might be a little pink in the cheeks at hearing his name said.]
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[READY?]
[His eyes are closed though because, this is again, shit he's never told a god damn soul. Even any other Ace. But if Ace finds out later...]
I like Roger. I think he knew a lot more about the world than anyone gives him credit for. I've only ever done things with full conviction, and when I don't have that, is when I hesitate.
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I live by that, Portgas.
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[He'll figure it out. Fuck you, he will.]
You're your own man, Portgas.
And a son of Whitebeard more than anything else.
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[Guidance. Strength. Whitebeard. Roger. Daddy. Adela. Portgas. Love.]
[Fuck.]
[Smoker just blushes HEAD TO TOE. And looks up at the ceiling.]
[Final thing. He can do this. Maybe.]
[His voice is SO QUIET though.]
Roger gave me conviction. You taught me how to live. [Shoves Ace's face with one hand. It's such an easy word. Come on. ONE VOWEL CHANGE BARELY DIFFERENT.] I wouldn't have Adela without you. Or the dogs. Or G-5. Or Faye. Or Augustine. And this you or not...
[Lets go of Ace's face and looks at him. Dying to figure out the right words.]
[Need. Want. Adore.]
[FUCK HE IS SO RED.]
[Don't look at him!]
I wouldn't be me if not for you. [Is that love? It's not... NOT love right? Even if it feels more ridiculous and expansive like he said before. Ace set Smoker's entire life on fire and wrote his name in the ashes.]
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Done
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1/?????????? Smoker pls
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Done
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