OOC: What REALLY happened at the show. In detail. -_-

[justicereigns]

Who: Ace, Smoker... and Garp. :|
What: The sad but true adventures of Smoker and Ace at the fashion show.
When: The night of the fashion show.
Where: S.S. Haruhi
Warnings: Uh~ R? Or NC-17?
Why: Because crack was needed. And Smoker/Ace is doomed to fail miserably.



How he'd even managed to sit - well, stand at the back, whatever - through that ridiculous event was beyond Smoker. Then he remembered that Portgas had been dressed in a Marine uniform, which would have been worth waiting for twice as long, if only for the wealth of material to mock.
Now though, he had free reign to track the idiot down; preferably before he changed - and fulfill that promise he'd made.

Ace found a room to make his own dressing room and started taking off the shirt, which was already half-unbuttoned to begin with. He was quite pleased with the results of the show even if his Grandfather had shown up. Still, as long as he could avoid getting hugs from it, it was all ok.

It didn't take long to find Portgas - it was hard to miss someone wandering around in a Marine uniform on a pirate ship, of all places. A couple of questions, and he had the right room easily enough. It wasn't even locked.
Not bothering to knock, Smoker shoved the door open and walked inside, looking for all the world like he actually had a right to be in there.

Ace turned his head and arched an eyebrow at Smoker's entrance. "Hey there Taisa," he greeted, running eyes up and down Smoker's tall frame. "And to what do I owe the pleasure?" It was hard to find a truly polite way to say, 'What the hell asshole? Don't you ever knock?!'.

Smoker shrugged, briskly running his gaze over the pirate. It looked like he'd had good timing.
A shove to the door closed it, and he stepped forwards, taking in more detail. Portgas really did look good in blue.
"We had a deal, right? So are we getting down to it, or not?"

Ace blinked. Smoker really did like to get down to the point, didn't he? Still, Ace wasn't sure if he was assuming something he shouldn't be. He took an unconcious step backwards from the predatory look on the marine's face. "Ah, what deal are you referring to? There's been a couple." He swallowed nervously, feeling jumpy already and hoping it was the one he expected.

A smirk flitted across Smoker's face as he watched the pirate's skittish behaviour. This was what he wanted to see - Portgas being put in his place for once.
"I meant me, on my knees, sucking you off." He cocked his head, taking another step closer. "Unless you decided you don't want it?"

Taking a deep breath, Ace's pulse quickened immediately. "Oh no, I want it," he grinned cockily. "Just didn't think you'd actually be looking forward to it as much as I was," he thought to himself. Ace was backed up against the wall now, it wasn't that large a room and trying to regain his composure Ace's unclenched his hands and placed them in his pants pockets. He still couldn't seem to take control of his breathing and it wasn't fair that Smoker was suddenly making him nervous again. He swallowed apprehensively, "Should um, should I lock the door?" The room didn't have a lock but maybe he could jam it.

And now Portgas sounded nervous too. Perfect.
"Don't bother." It wasn't like anyone else would come in, after all. He spared a brief glance at the small chair. "Sit down."
Another step closer, raking his eyes over the pirate more obviously now, admiring the scene before him. It would be almost a pity to get him even partly out of those clothes. And the scared look was good on him, too.

Ace gulped again. Smoker practically smelled predatory now. Maybe the costume Renge picked for him was a bad idea after all. Then again maybe it was good given how Smoker was reacting. "Ah..." He started nervously sliding into the chair. He couldn't remember ever doing this before and didn't know where to begin. Ace wanted to at least touch Smoker, maybe it would calm his nerves down but he got the feeling that was why Smoker was holding off a little. The pirate's mouth was definitely a little dry. "Should I get out of this...?" he loosened the blue neckerchief and gestured helpless to the rest.

"Don't bother with that, either." It was a hard choice between teasing the pirate into losing more of his control, or actually getting down to business - but the second type of pleasure won out. Another step closer, and he paused, face dispassionate now.
"Spread your legs."

Purely out of reflex Ace growled, "I don't take orders from you, marine." But he spread his legs wider apart anyway. He was definitely overeager and however much he didn't want Smoker to know that, he wasn't about to punish himself out of stubborness.

Scoffing at the words, Smoker stalked the last two steps towards the pirate. Portgas may have expected that, but Smoker doubted he was expecting the Marine's hand to raise and drift across his jawline, lightly brushing the skin - or for it to sharply twist and snap across Portgas' face, the harsh slap of the backhand filling the small room.
He stood there, lip curling. "Don't think I'll take any crap from you, Portgas. I'm not in the mood."

Ace blinked at the sudden ringing in his ears one hand rubbing the harsh sting on his face. He glared defiantly at the marine, right hand clenching into a fist and quickly pulling back to punch the marine in the jaw, knuckles grazing cigars. "What the fuck was that for?!?!" Ace demanded furiously and loudly.

Punch? Was that meant to be a punch? It had barely felt like one, probably because the idiot was still sitting down - hardly any force behind it, from that position.
Smoker smirked again, one hand on the pirate's chest, shoving him down, and the other launching another smack across Portgas' face, hard enough to bruise.
"Shut it. You deserve it, after last time."

Still glaring defiantly Ace growled almost ferally, refusing to flicker to fire to heal the forming bruise. This would be hard to explain to Lucci. Then again given what Lucci said before... "Do that one more time," Ace growled warningly, "And I'll make last time look like a walk through daisies." He leaned back in the chair, tilting it backwards some and forced a cocky grin on his face. "Neh Taisa, I rattle you up too much? Too used to dishing it out but never taking it yourself?" It was dangerous and just plain stupid to rile Smoker up further now but Ace had a habit of doing things like that, even knowing the risks involved.

A walk through daisies? Certainly couldn't describe the sensation Portgas must have been feeling when Smoker stepped back slightly, turned, and slammed his fist into the younger man's stomach.
"I can take whatever you can give, pirate," he hissed, leaning forwards again. "But right now, you need to shut the fuck up, sit back, and get those damn pants off."

"I. Don't. Take. Your. Fucking. Orders. CAPTAIN," Ace spat, just barely refraining from doubling over and finding it decidedly harder to breathe. A certain excited glint took into Ace's eyes. This was purely insane but... "If you want me, you'll have to handcuff and take me." It was only fair. He'd put Smoker in handcuffs before and the idea of trying it himself now was strangely thrilling.

Well. That sounded fun.
One of Smoker's hands still pinning the pirate, the other reached for the seastone cuffs at his waist. "You sure you want me to do that, pirate? Because if I get you in cuffs, I'm not letting you out of them. Not until you make it worth my while."

Ace grinned, looking WAY more cocky than he felt about the idea. "I didn't say I was going to make it easy for you." He used the distraction to kick out a leg to hook it around the back of Smoker's knee and drag the marine forward so he could bite hard into the older's neck and along Smoker's collarbone. "But I guarantee I'll make it worth your while."

The reply came in the form of Smoker slipping one of the cuffs around the idiot's wrist, looking dryly at the pirate. "You don't think this is easy?"
A tug at the cuff to keep him off-balance, and he was pulling back, away from the biting, unzipping Portgas' pants.
"Stay still and keep your mouth shut. Unless you want to piss me off while I have my teeth on your dick."

The world spun for a second as soon as Smoker clicked the seastone shut. "One of these days," he coughed hoarsely bracing again the dizziness and trying to get as comfortable as possible given the circumstances, "You'll have to get some non-seastone cuffs." He clicked his teeth shut as Smoker shot him a warning glare though and swallowed hard, definitely nervous now.

"Non-seastone?" Smoker scoffed, forcing Portgas' arms behind the chair and cuffing the other hand. "What the fuck's the point of that?"
He lifted a hand to the pirate's chin, dragging his head up. "You want this, right?"

Portgas D. Ace grinned with a fiery kind of lust, even with the seastone making him colder than normal, "Yeah. I do." Fair was fair and this was extremely exciting. A small cough again, as his head tilted down against the hand, part of him reminded vaguely of seastone chains he REFUSED to remember. "You okay with it?" he coughed nervously.

Smoker tugged lightly at the chain between the cuffs. It was steel rather than seastone, but he doubted Portgas would break it.
"Why wouldn't I be okay with it?" He sank to his knees, looking up at the pirate now, but it didn't matter; not when Portgas was looking so nervour and out of control.
One hand reached for the younger man's zipper, idly playing with it, as he stared casually at Portgas' face. "Ask for it."

It was a lot harder to play cocky or fake smugness while in chains and with no devil fruit to rely on. Ace flexed his arms experimentally and his breath caught as Smoker sunk down. He swallowed hard. "Ahh..." he was torn between stubbornly refusing and just begging for it and to hell with control. "Smoker," he pleaded, looking into steely blue-grey eyes. Ace swallowed hard, and closing his eyes begged"Please... oh god please...."

Smoker paused; he hadn't expected it to be that easy. Still, if the pirate needed it that badly...
"Fine," he muttered, dragging the zipper down, mind focusing on more interesting matters. Huh. Standard-issue Marine boxers. That was... interesting, seeing as he hadn't provided those.

Ace panted slightly. The excitement was killing him. Smoker didn't say anything about the "borrowing" of boxers he'd done from the last time he was on Smoker's ship but Ace hoped he at least noticed. Ace's mind raced with possibilities, trying to figure out how to get this to a point where wasn't out of control but found he didn't really care. Hell, even rather liked it like this. "Smoker," he whined at the Marine taking his sweet time of it.

"Quiet," the Marine muttered, hands slipping Ace's cock free of his clothing. He ran a calloused thumb lightly, slowly, over the head, contemplating the twitch of reaction, and bent suddenly, mouth engulfing as much as he could; tongue sliding down the flesh as he pushed further.
Teasing Portgas was too much fun to resist.

"Ahhhh," Ace's hips instantly bucked at that, and he was thoroughly incapable of remaining quiet, however much he was ordered to. His hands clenched tightly on the back of the chair, the combination of seastone and Smoker's tongue sending his brain spinning with overwhelming sensations.

Grinning around his mouthful, Smoker dragged his tongue in slow, steady movements, increasing and decreasing the pressure whenever he thought Portgas would least expect it.
Portgas' noises, those harsh little whimpers and cut-off pants - they were the perfect background to this, as Smoker picked up a more regular rhythm, sucking instead of licking. Somewhere in the back of his head, he wondered how long the pirate would be able to hold out.

Garp sang a song loudly as he checked the rooms for his idiot flaming Grandson. Polly was muttering softly on his shoulder before he opened a door and looked in, "AAAACE ARE YOU HE- oh hey you're having sex. Never mind, I'll wait out here till you're done," he said moving to leave.

Ace's eyes widened as far as they could go. In horror. "Jii...JIII?!!?!?!" he started to panic. Compromising position didn't begin to describe it given that his hands were cuffed in seastone behind his back and his pants were open... and oh god he was never going to live this down. Desperately wanting to jump back up and get dressed, Ace squirmed slightly before remembering he couldn't really move.

... oh fuck. That was all Smoker could think when he snapped back to reality thanks to that voice. Mostly because Portgas' grandfather had just walked in on them, and partly because, startled, he'd flinched.
And was now trying not to choke.
Yanking away from the pirate as quickly as he could without hurting him, Smoker half-sprawled backwards, coughing violently as his throat protested the idea of breathing. Fuck, that hurt!

Garp had meant to wait out side till they were done but then Greyhorn was suffocating - so he went all the way in to help him out. "You know, dying while having sex sounds neat, but it isn't that great a way to go," he said snickering as he pounded Smoker's back.

Smoker would have loved to say something there - possibly 'Go die' or 'What the hell are you doing here, you fucking nutcase?!' It was a little hard to speak when one was trying not to choke to death, though.

Ace wriggled in his seat trying to find a way to just get dressed but he was still handcuffed and his trying only succeeded in knocking the chair over with Ace's side hitting the floor. He grunted softly in pain, it hadn't helped that Smoker had knocked the wind out of him earlier. And he was still stuck half naked. Great. "Ah. Shit," he cursed softly, wishing there was a way to make himself invisible so Garp wouldn't notice.

Garp finished making sure Smoker wasn't going to die, before absently slamming his foot down and flipping the chair back up. He frowned at Ace before asking, "Why do you have a black eye?"

"Ah..." Apparently those backhands Smoker gave him did a lot more damage than they first felt. "It's nothing...." he quickly lied. And he was still handcuffed. And half naked. And Smoker had the keys. Fantastic.

Air didn't seem so important when Smoker heard Garp point that out. And Portgas wasn't exactly believable, either. Great. Finding his feet, Smoker glanced from the open door (tempting), to Portgas (panicking), to Garp (eternally stupid, and with a parrot having hysterics on his shoulder). He slipped the handcuffs key out of his pocket and held it up, behind Garp, so that Portgas could see it, before raising an eyebrow. He'd rather run, but it would hardly be kind to abandon the younger D.

Garp crossed his arms and scowled deeper, tapping his foot against the floor. "Did you two idiots at least remember to set up a safe word?"

"Whaaaat?!" Ace panicked more. He didn't even know what the hell that meant. But he could definitely tell from the tone and that fact that his grandfather was lecturing him that it wasn't a good thing and probably related to sex. Ace's eyes darted to Smoker, BEGGING for help. Key. Sweet glorious freedom. WAS there even a plausibly discreet way of asking "Get me the fuck out please." that wouldn't remind his grandpa that Ace was locked in seastone apparently as some part of a sex game.

Now, how to get the key to Portgas? ... oh, what the hell. Subtle was for cowards. "No, we didn't. You mind if I get Portgas out of those cuffs?"

"Yeah go ahead," Garp said waving a hand uncaringly before stiking up a conversation with Ace. "You know, people used to walk in on me and your granny having sex AAAAALL the time. Welcome to the proud tradition of being an idiot, Acey Basey!"

Well that was.... horrifying. Ace's eyes widened even further than should have been possible. "AH!" he yelped, "That's um...." Oh god it was AWFUL. He was destined to have people walk in on him having sex forever?!?! And the idea of his Grandfather and grandmother having sex was NOT something he wanted to think about. Much less people walking in on them. Ace wanted to crawl into a hole and possibly die.

Smoker, meanwhile, wanted to run. Very far and fast. Which he was planning on doing, as soon as he could - at least Garp walking in had quickly killed his sex drive. And his will to live, but he couldn't be picky.
Sliding over to Portgas while trying to attract as little attention as possible, Smoker crouched behind the chair and started uncuffing him as quickly as possible. This was, quite possibly, hell. Denial was good.

Garp nodded and took the silence as encouragement to explain, "Yeah, this one time, the walker in joined in which was fun," he caught Polly as he fell over, having laughed himself unconsious, "but my bird is out of it, so I'm off! I'll be right next door when you're done Acey! We need to talk."