justicereigns | [Video] / Action // Holiday Cheer?

[LOOK EVERYONE! It's Santa! OMG I KNOW THAT GUY!!!!]

[Wait. What is he doing in Luceti? And why is he smoking two cigars? Surely that is setting a very bad example for the kids! And dang, don't those scars look a little familiar? Along with the scowling face? Why yes! It's Smoker! Back from his kidnapping! He clears his throat gruffly and... wait for it.... wait for it....]

[Why yes! That is Smoker, dressed as Santa, caroling. It's a holiday miracle!]

Have a holly jolly Christmas....

[He sounds like someone just killed his pet. Dear god, that's about as far from "holly jolly as you can get!]

It's the best time of the year.
I don't care if there'll be snow.
I just want a rum and beer.

[... Um. We're experiencing some technical difficulties, as a green little elf hand stops the journal transmission. After a few seconds he comes back and TRIES to be a little more cheerful...ish.]

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street... [He twitches. Can he do it? Can he keep up this masquerade of holiday spirits and Santa Claus holly jolly warmth?!]
Say hello to --

No. That's it. I'm done. Keep your damn rum cookies you tyrant! I'm out of here.

[And he storms out, shutting off his journal to take it with him.

[Action:]

[If anyone wants to find him, he's skipping teaching lessons today and just bumming around the bar instead. Still stuck in his Santa costume. It doesn't come off. And thus his immense frustration. Besides Chun-Li already mentioned covering them so fuck it. Time for booze. Also, if no one stops him, he'll be lighting up his cigars with a cigar menorah. Yes. A cigar menorah. Too bad no matter how he tries he can't seem to pry the cigars out of there. Oh... and he does try. At least they keep smoking and smelling vaguely pine like! Awww how festive.]

God damn it! These cigars don't even taste like cigars! I might as well just be eating candy canes!! [Gives up and stubs them out, slumping his head into the bar. Being Smoker is suffering. Not to mention... what the hell is in that sack he's got anyway?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Err... not exactly.

A little girl asked for candy canes though so...

[DON'T JUDGE HIM. She passes out without food and his bag has a lot of candy canes for no reason he understands other than mocking him.]

...You're gonna climb up on her roof and break into her house just to give her candy canes?

[He is most definitely judging.]

It's not breaking in if she asked for this route.

I don't want to disappoint her just before Christmas, jeez.

How sweet. Did any other kids ask you to do that?

[Maybe he could watch; it'd probably be pretty funny.]

No. Thank the angels we have heard on high.

[Giant sweatdrop. Not being able to swear is taking a damage on his vocabulary.]

...Never heard that phrase used like that before.

[Poor Smoker's probably going crazy, and Firo can't blame him.]

How much longer are you gonna be like that?

Better not -- cry. Better not -- pout.

I'm telling you why.

[Grits his teeth, hard. This is like that time he had to sing "Tarantara" only even more annoying.]

Probably just until the blinking lights -- [VERY loud teeth grinding] -- for goodness sakes.

[Just gives up and bangs his head on the bar.]

I don't know.

Maybe until New Year's at this rate. Or knowing my luck? Valentine's Day. Just so everything can get worse.

[Firo stares in wide-eyed alarm.]

...I'm sorry. Damn, that must suck.

Think maybe they'll let you out early if you do somethin' Christmas-y? ...Though I guess this is the Christmas-y thing.

[Drags a palm down his face.]

I'm certainly open to suggestions at this point. Got any ideas of what might count?

[It's a testament to Smoker's suffering that Firo doesn't even consider suggesting something ridiculous to mess with him. That would just be too cruel.]

Well, I guess you could deliver presents to a lotta kids, like how you said you were gonna give candy canes to that one girl. That's what Santa's supposed to do, right? So if you do all that they won't need to mess with you like this anymore.

[Not that they need an excuse, but he's trying to be optimistic.]

[He appreciates that. Being trollbait is suffering.]

So if I give out the candy canes and just... go with this costume, then it'll stop?

[He shrugs.]

Don't get too excited. I have no idea how this whole thing works, but maybe... It's gotta be worth a shot, right?

I'll try. What's the worst that could happen?

[The next morning he wakes up strung in Christmas lights and tinsel. Oops.]

[The most beautiful Christmas tree of all!]

Not sure I wanna think about the worst...

[He's sure if the malnosso really wanted they could have the candy canes come to life and attack Smoker. Or something like that.]

But it probably won't hurt.