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[Video] / Action // Holiday Cheer?

[LOOK EVERYONE! It's Santa! OMG I KNOW THAT GUY!!!!]

[Wait. What is he doing in Luceti? And why is he smoking two cigars? Surely that is setting a very bad example for the kids! And dang, don't those scars look a little familiar? Along with the scowling face? Why yes! It's Smoker! Back from his kidnapping! He clears his throat gruffly and... wait for it.... wait for it....]

[Why yes! That is Smoker, dressed as Santa, caroling. It's a holiday miracle!]

Have a holly jolly Christmas....

[He sounds like someone just killed his pet. Dear god, that's about as far from "holly jolly as you can get!]

It's the best time of the year.
I don't care if there'll be snow.
I just want a rum and beer.

[... Um. We're experiencing some technical difficulties, as a green little elf hand stops the journal transmission. After a few seconds he comes back and TRIES to be a little more cheerful...ish.]

Have a holly jolly Christmas
And when you walk down the street... [He twitches. Can he do it? Can he keep up this masquerade of holiday spirits and Santa Claus holly jolly warmth?!]
Say hello to --

No. That's it. I'm done. Keep your damn rum cookies you tyrant! I'm out of here.

[And he storms out, shutting off his journal to take it with him.

[Action:]

[If anyone wants to find him, he's skipping teaching lessons today and just bumming around the bar instead. Still stuck in his Santa costume. It doesn't come off. And thus his immense frustration. Besides Chun-Li already mentioned covering them so fuck it. Time for booze. Also, if no one stops him, he'll be lighting up his cigars with a cigar menorah. Yes. A cigar menorah. Too bad no matter how he tries he can't seem to pry the cigars out of there. Oh... and he does try. At least they keep smoking and smelling vaguely pine like! Awww how festive.]

God damn it! These cigars don't even taste like cigars! I might as well just be eating candy canes!! [Gives up and stubs them out, slumping his head into the bar. Being Smoker is suffering. Not to mention... what the hell is in that sack he's got anyway?]

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Hey, fuck you Princess. It's not my job to be nice to pirates. [Points his finger at her to lecture!]

[You know what? The shrill little gasp from her elf at the swear word is right. Perona's had it up to here with you, Smoker, and how much of a giant cock you're being for no other reason than because she's a goddamn pirate. She's so sick and tired of that goddamn bias when she's done nothing wrong save for a bit of playful teasing.

Squaring her shoulders, Perona finally takes a stand, closing the distance between herself and Smoker.]

Well, you could certainly make an effort, you pompous marine bastard! I've done nothing to you the entire time I've lived here, yet you treat me poorly! I don't deserve your ire, and especially not on this holiday! So you'd best shut that big mouth of yours before I find a way to do it for you! [Jabbing you hard in the chest.] I may be a pirate, but I'm still a lady, and I expect to be treated like one!

[She jabs his chest with her finger, then makes a motion to turn away and leave - she's so done - but...strangely...can't move. Why...can't she move? Ngeeh--] E-Eeh?! What did you do?! Let me go! If this is your doing, White Hunter, I won't forgive you!

I'm not doing anything. How arrogant do you have to be to think I'd want to stick around you for another second?

And ladies don't carouse around with pirates in bars. It's simple. You want respect from a marine? Don't be a pirate.

Tch. Since apparently I'm the bigger man [You know, physically and metaphorically.] I'll take the initiative to leave until you're done. [So he turns to storm off.... and he can't move either.]

What the sugar plum fairies dancing on a frozen lake?

[Yup, not only is he stuck, but he's used up the last of his swears before the curse doubled.]

[Smoker, Perona would kick you so hard in the head/face/pants if she could pull her feet from the floor right now, but alas. Another day, perhaps. She's still struggling to free herself from where she's standing - way too close to the marine for comfort - and blinks only momentarily at his ridiculously censored way of speech. Pfft--

But her giggle isn't the one Perona hears. Oooh, no. It's her little elf's girlish giggle that she hears, and Perona follows the tiny creature's line of sight allll the way up to the mistletoe hanging over her and Smoker's heads.]

[Oh, mistletoe.]

[MISTLETOE.]

[With SMOKER.]

[HAJDHCVKDHFJFNNDKDLCS SCREEEEEEE--]

AAAAAIIIEEYYAAAH! No! No, I won't! There's no way you can make me do such a disgusting thing! I'd rather bite my tongue and bleed to death! I-I will! [STRUGGLING SO HARD, SOB. And looking at her elf like this is your fault, I will destroy you.] I'll bite my tongue! I'd rather die than kiss that pitiful excuse for a chimney! I don't want to, l-let me go! Let me go right now, I won't do it! I'll kill myself first! I'll kill myself!

Good. I'm glad we're in agreement that dying is preferable to being free.

[Sarcasm, or serious? It actually doesn't matter, because Smoker just folds his arms. He will sit here until he dies if he has to.]

[Sadly for the two of them, such a thing as sitting in place and waiting out the effects isn't exactly an option. Well, it is, of course, but fighting off that horrific, insatiable urge is not going to be easy. At least not for very long, after the counteragent of pure disgust and terror wears off. Oh, and the two elves who're just watching the marine and pirate.

Expectantly.

Waiting.

Oh fuck my life, please, someone else, ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM.]

Edited (i think my < key is jammed. B| ) 2012-12-29 13:00 (UTC)

[At the moment, Smoker is counting in his head. Then reciting names of criminals. And their crimes. The man needs a hobby.]

[And finally the sheer point that there are so many better things he could do with his damn time is starting to make him twitchy. But the price is kissing a pirate.]

[....]

[.......]

[.............]

[Surely Christmas will be over soon.]

[My god, there is not enough wine in the world to sample right now that could possibly occupy Perona's time long enough for this to end. Absently, as she's trying another brand, she wonders if she should just binge on wine until she's plastered. Best not remember it when and if it happens, right? Though it'd be so much easier to just blow the damn thing u--

...

..........Wow, she's slow.]

Tiny Hollow. [Out comes a little squashy ghost from er palm and she flicks her finger toward the mistletoe, where the teensy ghostie floats on over to, latching onto one of the drooping leaves. With a snap of her fingers, Perona mutters, softly--] Ghost Lap.

[And BOOM. That should have solved their problems right? RIGHT???]

[Nope. It multiplied, and the urge to kiss is 40 times stronger. You just had to go cut off the head of the hydra and make it worse, didn't you?]

To holly with this. [Smoker growls grumpily, takes the cigars out and quickly kisses her before she can do anything about it.]

[And instantly shudders.]

[GROSS. HE KISSED A PIRATE. ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE IF HINA AND MIHAWK HAD A DAUGHTER.]

[EW EW EW EW EW.]

[Okay, but no, he can be a man about this. By storming the hell out of there.]

We're never speaking of this ever again, got it?

[Oh for fuck's sake! Maybe if she tries a special hollow. There may be property damage, but whatever. Perona can take that risk. Hell, maybe she'll blow up Smoker if she's luc--]

[SUDDENLY LIP-LOCKED!]

[Oh god.

Oh god.

Smoker is kissing me.

SMOKER IS KISSING ME.]

[MOTHER OF FUCK, HE TASTES LIKE ASPHALT.]

Edited (feckin typos) 2013-01-22 14:17 (UTC)

[Welp, that sure was the loudest scream Perona has ever uttered in her entire life. Enough to make a banshee jealous, most definitely.]

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH!

TRIPLE NEGATIVE HOLLOW!

[Fuck your leaving, man, Perona's not going to allow it until she's left her mark on your soul. And possibly your skull. Those ghosts look positively murderous as they launch at Smoker from Perona's palms, the girl holding her arms tight and shaking violently after she let them loose.]

Gh...geeh...ghhk--! I-I need to...t-t-to wash...m-my mouth...

[And, after swiping a jug of beer from a passing waitress, Perona wipes her mouth, slams the mug on the counter and goes over to Smoker if he's down.]

YOU! You...y-you defiled my lips! I'll never forgive you, you bastard! I'll never forgive you for this, so don't you dare show your face to me ever again!

[And, if able, Perona will deliver a merciless kick to the poor man's gut. No, she is not pleased with this bullshit. That was foul.]

[Smoker instantly twitches and puts both of his hands up to cover his ears. FUCK THAT WAS PAINFUL. WHAT THE HELL HARPY!?]

[Which leaves him completely open to the hollows.]

[He falls over on the ground.]

I don't deserve to live and breath the same air as you. I wish to be reborn as a pirate amoeba. [The lowest form of amoeba okay.]

[This also leaves him completely open to the kick. But by that point he kind of doesn't really care. Because he deserves worse than a kick, okay, okay.]

[It's only mildly satisfying, being able to kick Smoker while he's down and wallowing in his self-loathing. Perona's just too riled up and disgusted at what just happened to feel any kind of happiness at all. She's practically seething with rage, stepping over the fallen marine and not even looking at him as he whines and complain due to the hollow's effects. She just doesn't care. Perona wants to get the fuck out of this place right now - be as far from Smoker as possible - lest she actually listen to her darker side and choke him.

Ugh...ugh! She's never going to get the taste of tar out of her mouth. No matter how much she spits, drinks, or washes her poor, poor mouth.]

[There's a joke to be made somewhere in here about how at least she didn't kick him in the nuts, but all things considered, it probably wouldn't change anything. He's just as emasculated, sickened, and still on the floor hating himself and the fact that he's a man.]

[Also Mistletoe. As much as they hate each other, can they at least agree to hate the mistletoe more?]

[He's just gonna stay here awhile. Until his elf finds him and probably punishes him for living. Being Smoker is suffering almost as much as being kissed by him.]

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[Video] / Action // Holiday Cheer?

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[Action] 1/? LET'S START THE CHRISTMAS MAGIC

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[Action] DONE

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[Action] - 1/? THIS MIGHT GET LONG.

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[Action] - DONE.

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