[Sorry, Smoker, you got close enough to snuggle. And Ace is drunk and shameless.] It's not a big deal. At least I'm not jailbait to go with it. [He's pretty sure that his genetic father and his mother had a substantial age difference too.]
Portgas, you're jailbait by existing. [He doesn't mind the snuggles, although the CUTE IN HIS JACKET is going to kill him, and he gently knuckles Ace's cheeks somewhat affectionately, even if he'll deny it.]
If you were 70, you'd still be jailbait for me. A temptation worth getting murdered over.
And here I was thinking that I was cursed just by existing. This is a hell of a lot more fun. [Cute in his jacket, shirtless still, and absolutely taking in any attention Smoker is willing to give him.]
[This time he's fighting instincts in the reverse way.]
[HIS INSTINCT IS TO NIBBLE PORTGAS' EAR.]
[Annnnnnnd....]
[He has a long list of reasons he's not. Maybe he DID like still can't even THINK the other L-word Faye more than he thought????]
[Fuck.]
[Smoker needs to do SOMETHING though.]
[1) Back to jitte 2) Use a dog as a shield 3) Put Portgas in lap? NO NO NO THIS IS BAD. REJECTED!!! 4) Punch him. -- Also no. He's too cute. Smoker has no heart for it. NONE. Zero. 5) Kiss fuck kill throw in a tree WHY IS HIS MIND GETTING WORSE? IT'S ALL WORSE. AHHH NO.]
[He takes a deep breath.]
[Steals a ball.]
[Throws it to buy time to think and chew HARD on cigars.]
[Words words words words.]
You'd like G5. Every single damn one of them is like you. Even the one that IS 70.
They're all pyros and constantly threatening to set pirates on fire. Drives Tashigi up a wall. Except you were always polite with Tashigi while you were both here. That drove me mad. Because I couldn't hate it.
[Snorts.]
[Steals another ball to throw again. NOT LOOKING AT THE CUTE. WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE CUTE. JUST MIGHT AS WELL BE TALKING OUT LOUD TO HIMSELF.]
They also came up with stupid nicknames for me often. And they had bigger hearts than they thought. Easily hurt, but they kept on trying. And they flirted a lot.
[CHEWS ON THE CIGARS. GRRR.] And were self-sacrificing dumbasses that made sure to throw Tashigi through the door even though it meant they'd be paralyzed and basically dead -- if Trafalgar and your brother's reindeer doctor hadn't cured them.
I'm not someone who goes out of my way to be rude to ladies. But... [He leans his head against Smoker's shoulder, listening to him talk on to not have to deal with feelings.] It sounds like I would have liked them. [He'll probably never know now. He's here, and there's no way for him to ever return. Back home, there's only a grave and a memory. And that's not the only thing on his mind, Smoker is having his mind crank again and he's drunk enough to actually be direct.]
You know, if you say no, and really mean it, I'll stop.
[Though a quick analysis reminds him that it was a good way of shutting Portgas up.]
[OR SMOKER HIMSELF.]
Do what you want, Portgas.
[SLOW SMIRK. It's kind of funny. Having Portgas wanting to be pursued for a change. The first Portgas just melted down Smoker's walls while Smoker wasn't able to rebuild them quickly enough.]
[Smoker WOULD normally lean his arm on Portgas' head to be an asshole, but he can't with Ace's head on his shoulder.]
[So he winds up gently floofing black hair instead, letting it gently fall through the fingers of his other hand.]
Namur pointed out, if I really had a problem with this, I could very easily keep you at a distance. And it's true.
[Snorts.]
[Eyes closed.]
But I wouldn't have said any of this to you if I didn't --
[Like, trust, want to be with, TOLERATE, want alive...]
[It's a mixed bag of things.]
[Not love. Namur's insane.]
[Enjoy????]
Want to. [NOD! It's true.]
Hina's another friend in the marines keeping me from getting killed by Akainu. Or getting exiled ages ago. She always says I always get my own way.
And I do.
Remember that.
[He lays back in the grass, both hands behind his head, thinking.]
[He didn't mean to make Ace think more.]
[Bad habit. Smoker thinks too much about everything. Hell, he half thought... that might be what Portgas (the first time) saw in him. Or maybe it's the equals thing. Or trust. Or just that Portgas needs to be loved even by someone who absolutely shouldn't ever-- argh that's just a setup for pain and part of that "just to torture himself" thing all over again, isn't it?]
The only times I ever stopped... thinking about everything...
[Was when? Running on instinct? But even then, his brain always caught up with him at some point.]
[Having fun.]
[He vaguely remembers REALLY early back when. BEFORE Portgas. When people asked him what he did for fun or the like.]
[It's annoying.]
[He could be playful...ish... before. On the Grand Line. But it wasn't for fun. Right? Yeah. It was to be... himself? An asshole? Keep people on their toes?]
[Eh.]
Namur said he fights his instincts for people he cares about. Does things for 'em, he wouldn't normally because it goes so hard against his instincts. And that being around them makes him feel more like himself.
There's only a few times where I'm truly comfortable in my own skin. It's something I like about smoke. It's an irritating element, not like sand which is too fucking malleable, and grainy, and disgusting. But you can't really breathe pure smoke. And it bothers a lot of people. Most, hell maybe all of them. [Lightly kicks Ace!] Except you, still think you're a secret masochist though.
[Snorts and moves a hand to his cigars.] But that's... me bothering everyone else. I didn't even have to respond to you. Sometimes when a Portgas got here, I didn't. I didn't want to deal with it.
If I decided to push you out... I already would have.
It's not that I can't have a life outside of you. Or even that you really forced me to stop being me. You made me want to live more. Even just the dumbass you that's dead, before either of us showed up here, got it? [RUFFLES ACE'S HAIR AGAIN.] You're a pain in the ass, so start taking some responsibility for it, you little shit. That doesn't mean, apologize and try to let everyone live without you. It means, we're already too fucking used to wanting you around. It's a god damn pain in the ass. And your nakama are too nice to ever say so. They'll want to give you space and shit. Let you do you.
But I'm the asshole that always gets my way. Even your little brother can't get his way with me. He wanted to fight Caesar for experimenting on kids he kidnapped from G5's territory. I agreed to fight Vergo only because he was pretending to be a marine, and that's a betrayal I couldn't let go. Sound familiar brat? [Lightly flicks Ace!] Like I said. Equals, you and me. [Snort.] The whole time we were hunting them, your brother never shut up about how I was running too fast for him to keep up because he's like half my height. [EXAGGERATING.] Wasting breath he needed for running.
If I didn't want you here Portgas, I wouldn't be here myself. It's just that simple. Stop thinking so much and do what you want.
[But Smoker's still kind of smug. He knows Portgas wants to be pursued. AND KNOWING THAT: he's going to take some damn time just to be a fucking asshole.]
[Though probably not too long because the last thing Smoker needs is an actual murder on his rap. And he's serious about the snapping thing.]
You're really giving me a lot of permission right there. [Ace has already figured out that Smoker talks himself in circles when he's struggling with something, and the words are important always, but they're still there to pad things and buy time as much as to get his point across. And while he's still sitting up, he turns towards Smoker, looking down at him with a hard to read expression. And Ace is weighing his options and making his choices quickly now.] You're telling me seriously to just do what I want? Because I'm not someone who plays around, and I've been holding back.
[The first time Smoker held back so much just because pirate. And he didn't know what he wanted. And he couldn't really think in terms of what he wanted beyond "Arrest pirates." And for what it was worth... family, adopting kids, "love" even as = agony according to Namur for Smoker (maybe especially because!!!!), sex, dating, ALL OF IT was things Smoker very much would have said he DID NOT WANT.]
[This time he's holding back, because memories. Portgas to adjust. Smoker to stop flinching at tiny things that reminded him of Faye. Remembering hot dogs or flowers or conspiring with Gale to make her happy.]
[Smoker opens one eye on Portgas.]
You're not a rebound.
[That's... vastly important. Because Smoker wouldn't disrespect either of them, Faye, Portgas, and even SMOKER HIMSELF like that.]
[His ears flick in thought.]
And I'm not just here, because of stuff you can't remember. I'm here because of stuff you did this time. Listening. Paying attention.
Being you.
Don't forget it.
[Both eyes closed again. When does Smoker stop thinking?]
[When adrenaline overrides everything else.]
[It wears off though.]
[But while it's going...]
[It's hard to curb the memories. Short black hair through his fingers. Scents. Sounds. Fights. Separate pairs of fingers on his ears.]
[A quiet snort, and one eye open again.]
Conceding the window is bigger permission than you think. I only did it the first time, because replacing it is expensive and pointless. [Well... not "only...." He liked having Portgas around. Obviously. Like he said.]
[People get used to wanting Portgas there, and accepting whatever Ace will give them.]
[Except Smoker.]
[Who grins impishly, and before Ace can react to do anything, especially since he already tested Ace's reflexes when the pirate first arrived; pins Portgas down to the ground, holding his shoulders down with one arm in a well practiced wrestling grapple.]
[Being pinned gets a little bit of a sulking expression out of him for a second, he's drunk and really can't fight back well without actually hurting someone. But then there's also something absolutely fun about being pinned down, so it's a mix of yes please and no fair.] So I'm not rebound, this is for me, and you're holding back too? [He really likes being called a brat too, he's not sure why it's so appealing.] You've got me, maybe you should do what you want.
[There are a lot of things that Ace can handle, a lot that he can have thrown at him that he'll take and throw right back, he's great with teasing and tormenting, hell if someone hates him he's still getting a reaction. But things like this wreck him. Getting under his skin, pulling into a place that he hides from everyone but very close family, tugging at heartstrings and leaving him weak.
Because he's worth it. He's worth waiting for, taking his time with, not rushing and dammit, he's shaking a little and he knows it's not just the rum in his system.] Yeah? Well don't make me wait too long. Brats like me are impatient.
[A softer laugh, and Smoker leans over to give Ace a painfully chaste kiss on the cheek.] Don't I know it. I could never melt fast enough for you, and Faye was the same way too.
I guess if I'm being honest, I must like it, or I'm the secretly masochistic one.
[Painfully chaste or no, Ace is visibly affected, and has the dopiest, mushiest expression on his face in reaction to it.] I want a real kiss, when we go see the flowers.
[That red face makes Ace feel powerful, but not in an arrogant or hateful sort of way. No, it's just good, he's able to really affect Smoker. And Smoker actually wants him. He values him, and it's real that he's worth waiting for, that he's worth taking his time with. This powerful, dangerous Marine sees Ace as valuable and worth the trouble, he sees him as his equal and that leaves his chest feeling tight and he's a little overwhelmed by his own emotions.
He's worth it. And it makes him weak somehow.] I want do this right. I mean, at least as right as we can. [Ace sighs, not dramatically but contentedly. He's being so stupid and happy and he's rushing but he doesn't care.] I wanna be good to you.
[Smoker's hella flustered again, and just gently nips Ace's nose tip with a light grazing of teeth.]
Just be you... and...
[Smooshes Ace's face with one gloves hand because he can't taaaaaaake it! There's only so much fighting against instincts one man can do!!!] Remember, it's me, all right? My issues. A lot of shit to deal with. Not even the pirate thing, especially if you're keeping your promise and not doing it here. But memories... It's a lot to fight against.
Yeah, I know. [That little nip is amazing, and just be you, and...
Oh, it's over. He had a feeling that the too much mark for his emotionally constipated companion would be reached pretty quickly, and he wasn't wrong. He doesn't mind either, save for the smooshing of his face, he wiggles a little under his hand in protest. But still, he's not mad. And he understands in his own way.
This is a little hard for him to handle honestly, this was supposed to be teasing, just teasing and nothing else. A game of torment the enemy that he went in hard for and he fell face first into it. But it's fine, they can try to take their time and be patient with each other. What they had in the past is gone, Ace can't remember and he really suspects that it was a different Ace entirely that climbed through the window and liked to be fucked outdoors.
And he's fine with that. That's a facet of him, and that's good enough for him to know that these feelings are real and it's okay to take his time to some degree and enjoy this too.] Besides, I really like a challange.
You'll see. [He's got his own plans, his own desires for this, whatever this nameless bond is going to end up being. But for now, he's all play, drunk and happy and full of hope and good intentions.]
Good. 'Cause when someone doubts me, I really get to be a pain. [They're an awkward pair, and they'd probably be better suited to other people. But when Ace is this happy, he's not letting go, and he'll make this work somehow.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If you were 70, you'd still be jailbait for me. A temptation worth getting murdered over.
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And look at us, lucky that no one's gonna say no.
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[ARGH.]
[This time he's fighting instincts in the reverse way.]
[HIS INSTINCT IS TO NIBBLE PORTGAS' EAR.]
[Annnnnnnd....]
[He has a long list of reasons he's not. Maybe he DID like
still can't even THINK the other L-wordFaye more than he thought????][Fuck.]
[Smoker needs to do SOMETHING though.]
[1) Back to jitte
2) Use a dog as a shield
3) Put Portgas in lap? NO NO NO THIS IS BAD. REJECTED!!!
4) Punch him. -- Also no. He's too cute. Smoker has no heart for it. NONE. Zero.
5)
Kiss fuck kill throw in a treeWHY IS HIS MIND GETTING WORSE? IT'S ALL WORSE. AHHH NO.][He takes a deep breath.]
[Steals a ball.]
[Throws it to buy time to think and chew HARD on cigars.]
[Words words words words.]
You'd like G5. Every single damn one of them is like you. Even the one that IS 70.
They're all pyros and constantly threatening to set pirates on fire. Drives Tashigi up a wall. Except you were always polite with Tashigi while you were both here. That drove me mad. Because I couldn't hate it.
[Snorts.]
[Steals another ball to throw again. NOT LOOKING AT THE CUTE. WILL NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THE CUTE. JUST MIGHT AS WELL BE TALKING OUT LOUD TO HIMSELF.]
They also came up with stupid nicknames for me often. And they had bigger hearts than they thought. Easily hurt, but they kept on trying. And they flirted a lot.
[CHEWS ON THE CIGARS. GRRR.] And were self-sacrificing dumbasses that made sure to throw Tashigi through the door even though it meant they'd be paralyzed and basically dead -- if Trafalgar and your brother's reindeer doctor hadn't cured them.
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You know, if you say no, and really mean it, I'll stop.
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[Though a quick analysis reminds him that it was a good way of shutting Portgas up.]
[OR SMOKER HIMSELF.]
Do what you want, Portgas.
[SLOW SMIRK. It's kind of funny. Having Portgas wanting to be pursued for a change. The first Portgas just melted down Smoker's walls while Smoker wasn't able to rebuild them quickly enough.]
[Smoker WOULD normally lean his arm on Portgas' head to be an asshole, but he can't with Ace's head on his shoulder.]
[So he winds up gently floofing black hair instead, letting it gently fall through the fingers of his other hand.]
Namur pointed out, if I really had a problem with this, I could very easily keep you at a distance. And it's true.
[Snorts.]
[Eyes closed.]
But I wouldn't have said any of this to you if I didn't --
[Like, trust, want to be with, TOLERATE, want alive...]
[It's a mixed bag of things.]
[Not love. Namur's insane.]
[Enjoy????]
Want to. [NOD! It's true.]
Hina's another friend in the marines keeping me from getting killed by Akainu. Or getting exiled ages ago. She always says I always get my own way.
And I do.
Remember that.
[He lays back in the grass, both hands behind his head, thinking.]
[He didn't mean to make Ace think more.]
[Bad habit. Smoker thinks too much about everything. Hell, he half thought... that might be what Portgas (the first time) saw in him. Or maybe it's the equals thing. Or trust. Or just that Portgas needs to be loved even by someone who absolutely shouldn't ever-- argh that's just a setup for pain and part of that "just to torture himself" thing all over again, isn't it?]
The only times I ever stopped... thinking about everything...
[Was when? Running on instinct? But even then, his brain always caught up with him at some point.]
[Having fun.]
[He vaguely remembers REALLY early back when. BEFORE Portgas. When people asked him what he did for fun or the like.]
[It's annoying.]
[He could be playful...ish... before. On the Grand Line. But it wasn't for fun. Right? Yeah. It was to be... himself? An asshole? Keep people on their toes?]
[Eh.]
Namur said he fights his instincts for people he cares about. Does things for 'em, he wouldn't normally because it goes so hard against his instincts. And that being around them makes him feel more like himself.
There's only a few times where I'm truly comfortable in my own skin. It's something I like about smoke. It's an irritating element, not like sand which is too fucking malleable, and grainy, and disgusting. But you can't really breathe pure smoke. And it bothers a lot of people. Most, hell maybe all of them. [Lightly kicks Ace!] Except you, still think you're a secret masochist though.
[Snorts and moves a hand to his cigars.] But that's... me bothering everyone else. I didn't even have to respond to you. Sometimes when a Portgas got here, I didn't. I didn't want to deal with it.
If I decided to push you out... I already would have.
It's not that I can't have a life outside of you. Or even that you really forced me to stop being me. You made me want to live more. Even just the dumbass you that's dead, before either of us showed up here, got it? [RUFFLES ACE'S HAIR AGAIN.] You're a pain in the ass, so start taking some responsibility for it, you little shit. That doesn't mean, apologize and try to let everyone live without you. It means, we're already too fucking used to wanting you around. It's a god damn pain in the ass. And your nakama are too nice to ever say so. They'll want to give you space and shit. Let you do you.
But I'm the asshole that always gets my way. Even your little brother can't get his way with me. He wanted to fight Caesar for experimenting on kids he kidnapped from G5's territory. I agreed to fight Vergo only because he was pretending to be a marine, and that's a betrayal I couldn't let go. Sound familiar brat? [Lightly flicks Ace!] Like I said. Equals, you and me. [Snort.] The whole time we were hunting them, your brother never shut up about how I was running too fast for him to keep up because he's like half my height. [EXAGGERATING.] Wasting breath he needed for running.
If I didn't want you here Portgas, I wouldn't be here myself. It's just that simple. Stop thinking so much and do what you want.
[But Smoker's still kind of smug. He knows Portgas wants to be pursued. AND KNOWING THAT: he's going to take some damn time just to be a fucking asshole.]
[Though probably not too long because the last thing Smoker needs is an actual murder on his rap. And he's serious about the snapping thing.]
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1/2
[And Smoker gulps a little.]
[His heart LEAPS into his throat.]
[Fuck, he has to close his eyes again.]
I know.
[It's not like... well... either of them.]
[The first time Smoker held back so much just because pirate. And he didn't know what he wanted. And he couldn't really think in terms of what he wanted beyond "Arrest pirates." And for what it was worth... family, adopting kids, "love" even as = agony according to Namur for Smoker (maybe especially because!!!!), sex, dating, ALL OF IT was things Smoker very much would have said he DID NOT WANT.]
[This time he's holding back, because memories. Portgas to adjust. Smoker to stop flinching at tiny things that reminded him of Faye. Remembering hot dogs or flowers or conspiring with Gale to make her happy.]
[Smoker opens one eye on Portgas.]
You're not a rebound.
[That's... vastly important. Because Smoker wouldn't disrespect either of them, Faye, Portgas, and even SMOKER HIMSELF like that.]
[His ears flick in thought.]
And I'm not just here, because of stuff you can't remember. I'm here because of stuff you did this time. Listening. Paying attention.
Being you.
Don't forget it.
[Both eyes closed again. When does Smoker stop thinking?]
[When adrenaline overrides everything else.]
[It wears off though.]
[But while it's going...]
[It's hard to curb the memories. Short black hair through his fingers. Scents. Sounds. Fights. Separate pairs of fingers on his ears.]
[A quiet snort, and one eye open again.]
Conceding the window is bigger permission than you think. I only did it the first time, because replacing it is expensive and pointless. [Well... not "only...." He liked having Portgas around. Obviously. Like he said.]
[People get used to wanting Portgas there, and accepting whatever Ace will give them.]
[Except Smoker.]
[Who grins impishly, and before Ace can react to do anything, especially since he already tested Ace's reflexes when the pirate first arrived; pins Portgas down to the ground, holding his shoulders down with one arm in a well practiced wrestling grapple.]
2/2
[SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRK.]
What makes you think I'm not holding back too?
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I always do.
Mostly.
[BOOPS ACE'S NOSE.] I'm taking my time with you.
[Thinks on how to explain it. It's not just fear, if it even IS fear at all at this point -- but....]
You're worth it.
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Because he's worth it. He's worth waiting for, taking his time with, not rushing and dammit, he's shaking a little and he knows it's not just the rum in his system.] Yeah? Well don't make me wait too long. Brats like me are impatient.
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I guess if I'm being honest, I must like it, or I'm the secretly masochistic one.
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[Hell, if Portgas keeps this up, he'll get kisses way before then, not that Smoker will say so.]
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He's worth it. And it makes him weak somehow.] I want do this right. I mean, at least as right as we can. [Ace sighs, not dramatically but contentedly. He's being so stupid and happy and he's rushing but he doesn't care.] I wanna be good to you.
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Just be you... and...
[Smooshes Ace's face with one gloves hand because he can't taaaaaaake it! There's only so much fighting against instincts one man can do!!!] Remember, it's me, all right? My issues. A lot of shit to deal with. Not even the pirate thing, especially if you're keeping your promise and not doing it here. But memories... It's a lot to fight against.
[Removes hand and gives Ace a wryly dopey grin.]
But you'll do fine. I've seen you defeat worse.
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Oh, it's over. He had a feeling that the too much mark for his emotionally constipated companion would be reached pretty quickly, and he wasn't wrong. He doesn't mind either, save for the smooshing of his face, he wiggles a little under his hand in protest. But still, he's not mad. And he understands in his own way.
This is a little hard for him to handle honestly, this was supposed to be teasing, just teasing and nothing else. A game of torment the enemy that he went in hard for and he fell face first into it. But it's fine, they can try to take their time and be patient with each other. What they had in the past is gone, Ace can't remember and he really suspects that it was a different Ace entirely that climbed through the window and liked to be fucked outdoors.
And he's fine with that. That's a facet of him, and that's good enough for him to know that these feelings are real and it's okay to take his time to some degree and enjoy this too.] Besides, I really like a challange.
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That's all you'll ever get from me, you know that, right?
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