justicereigns | [Audio]

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Nice of them to leave my jacket. [AWKWARD PAUSE. The voice coming from Smoker's journal account is not his usual. Or from a male at all.]

What's with my voice?! [That just squeaks there in high-pitched worry.]

Ah hell... I have boobs.

Fuck you Malnosso.

[He... she rather, clears her voice.]

S-Smoker is back... [That's a bit hesitant.] Ikki, he... he might need help. Jitte and kickboxing lessons will return to normal, sorry everyone about the delay. Could I have a headcount of everyone still wishing to take them? I might need to reorganize his schedules.

[The last part is muffled as he starts to shut the journal.]

Damn it! These jeans are way too big! Now what?!

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Trying to figure out why you do. [Spins on a dime and aims his legs in a sweeping kick, which is considerably less effective given the short range, but since Ace is aiming in close, it should block and tangle him.]

He's my brother, that's all that matters. So butt out. [He blocks the kick with his leg, and the grabs it to throw her down to the ground.]

[Well fuck that. He's switching to smoke to try to do a White Snake whipping attack.]

Don't be so touchy or it'll be your downfall.

[And you just hit far too close to home for that one. His anger takes over, and he sends up a wall of fire around himself and keep his smoke back. Sorry if he burns anything down, Luceti. >>]

That was really unnecessary to say.

[Flares his smoke around the edges to prevent any major damage and pulls back into a woman except for her arms.]

So then why did it work?

[He glares at her, letting his flames subside a bit.]

If all you're going to do is push my buttons, I'm leaving.

That's not my intention Portgas. I just don't want you flying off the handle over everything I say.

If you're all buttons, it's hard to push you without brushing one.

You weren't doing anything when you talked about Luffy. It was when you started talking about my downfall.

[Because honestly? You sounded like you were rubbing it in my face.]

[Leans up close and peers at him, finally sighing and looking away.]

The only one here worried about that is you. [Sits down on the ground crosslegged and arms folded. Yeah, Ikki told him not to do things like that, but he doesn't know how to act like a girl. He's certainly not going to flirt. ~~Even if he could.~~]

I fought Blackbeard here. Before he got stronger. Do you think anyone could have taken him down?

[Lays on his back looking up at the sky. Blame the Malnosso, blame being alone with his own thoughts for a month and a half on end, blame Valentine's Day and all of it, the end result was still that Smoker was sitting here trying to make sense to a pirate. And it was grating.] Don't confuse me for Akainu, pirate. I hate him, and I'm nothing like him. [Still a marine though. Could Ace really get over that? Could Smoker?] From here on out -- and before -- I'm not talking about your past. Because I don't give a damn about it. Just this world, this place, this future. Got it?

[Furrows her brow cutely, trying to figure out whether to even explain herself. Would it smooth things over and just sound as stupid as he thought? What did have to lose at this point? He'd already made a fool of himself twenty times today.] I asked about your brother because it's important to you. And when I said downfall I meant here. Fighting me. Don't read volumes into what I say. If I want to mock you, it won't be underhanded, and it'll be obvious. [So they both assumed the other would mock each other. Did that mean Ace wasn't mocking him before? No, that was impossible.]

--you did what!?! Shit, you can't fight him... [No one can. Especially not now. He's way too strong with two Devil Fruits, and Ace can only sit back and watch everything unfold. He sits down on the ground himself, listening to Smoker. He didn't disbelieve him hating Akainu. By the looks of things, a few other marines did, too. He nods slowly.] ... all right. I'm just not used to talking about anything with a marine. Hard to tell when you really just want to talk, or just probe me for information.

[Cheeky smirk at that. Smoker probed everyone for information, it was habit. He was actually trying, since getting back from the Malnosso, to do it less, to try to be less interrogatory all the time and just enjoy someone's company. It was starting to look impossible to do. He could let them talk themselves into giving up information, but when they closed off like Ikki, it bugged him. Made his instincts tingle.]

I am trying to get information Portgas. Just not the kind you think. [Puffs on his cigars. It's a really nice feeling. Woman now or not, the cigar smoke tastes and feels the same. And he offers Ace one in a rare gesture. That he figures Ace will never tell anyone.]

[Well, then he smirks back. He can totally play along with your little game here.]

Oh, so not the kind for you to be a stalker? [He holds up his hand and shakes his head. He doesn't need to smoke, lol.]

[Takes back the cigar and twirls it between fingers.]

Hunter, Portgas, I'm a hunter. Stalking is what perverts do.

[Shakes his head knowingly.] Stalker. Definitely.

Says the punk kid who called me a virgin. [Mmmm cigars. No really, he wants to be more venomous and grumpy, but he's pretty much enjoying himself. In the way that only Smoker can... which is a sadly repressed not quite "enjoy" so much as be comfortable in one's own skin; but hey, that's a huge improvement on everything else for him.]

[Glances over at Ace and... another stupid smirk? How many does the brat have?] You should see what the higher ups get into. [Including Ace's grandfather, Smoker almost adds, but no... he'll be nice and avoid that.] Besides, isn't your crew the one with all the nurses in leopard print stockings? [Just saying.]

Because you were acting like one so much it wasn't even funny. [Except it totally was.

And he has an infinite numbers of smirks. For any and every occasion. ] Hey, Pops picked those outfits out, okay? I don't get 'em.

[Mumbles something about preferring fishnet stockings anyway. Sure you're not a pervert Smoker. Sure.]

I wonder if I should dress how I think a woman would look best. [Instead of you know. DENIAL wear.]

No, that'd definitely be worse. [Given that he just said he liked fishnet stockings... yeah.... yeah it would.] Guess I'll have to let Keimi pick things after all. [Gets up on his elbows to look at Ace, though this just makes him feel really short again, and gestures the cigar in his hand pointedly in Ace's direction.]

What so you wouldn't at all be thrown off balance by being a girl and having me chase you? [Snorts to himself like he doesn't believe it, even though Ace already said he'd make a hot woman, and his ears tinge a little red at chase. Oh Smoker, can't even say "hit on" /sigh.]

[He just rolls his eyes and shrugs.] Dress however you want.

[her raises his eyebrows when he mentions a certain mermaid.] You know Keimi?

And honestly, I have no idea. And I'm not sure if I would want to find out.

[Eyes narrow. Right. Whitebeard pirates were the Fishman Island protectors.]

She's my daughter. Didn't you ever wonder why she carries a jitte?

[No, not biologically :| But Ace, of all people, Smoker figures, would understand that.]

Hn. Good. Then don't push me. I push back too hard.

[He shakes his head, clearly stunned.]

I didn't know that. And I got it, I got it, sheesh.

Right. Well, it was partly the Malnosso. They put everyone together in families, but when it was over Keimi said she still wanted to learn jitte and keep things. [Rubs her pink cheeks. It secretly made him really happy, but it was a little embarrassing too.]

So don't you and the flaming blue pigeon corrupt her.

Huh... really? Good for her.

[He's not sure to laugh at calling Marco a pigeon, or be annoyed at thinking he'll corrupt her.] Oi, my Pops looked after her island. What's wrong with wanting to be friends with her? She can like both marines and pirates, y'know.

[Sighs and puts a hand to to his forehead. Damn he still needs to get some girl gloves. Annoying.]

I'm not asking you to stay away from her. If you're protective you should understand a father's feelings.

[Huffs on cigars and lightly kicks Ace's ankle, without getting up. Yes it was girly, but he's a girl now so whatever, he doesn't care.] It was another joke. [He's so close to giving up, but no... can't give up now damn it!]

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