justicereigns | [Audio]

[He's just going to sit here thinking on a safe topic. The problem is, even if he means one innocently, he can't see how it wouldn't get construed as something more malicious. Asking how long Ace has been narcoleptic is out. Asking about Garp is out. Talking about the Malnosso isn't a place either of them want to go. And this is so outside of Smoker's "comfort zone" they left it in the dust years ago. Assuming Smoker even has an actual comfort zone. Still, he prefers to get pirates to talk themselves into circles or traps... and that's precisely why Ace is on his guard. On the other hand, it's also why Smoker is wary about saying too much himself. Like hell he wants to make the same mistake so many pirates make.]

So what's the story with the hat?

[Gotta start somewhere.]

[He just raises an eyebrow, confused. REALLY? THAT IS THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH? ~~Headcanon time aw yeah.~~ He tips his hat up a little with a finger.]

I got it at my home island. I added the beads, faces and design to it, though.

[He shrugs.] I just like it.

[YES IT WAS THE BEST HE HAD. Smoker is horribly socially awkward. His idea of being friends is stealing their private ships and when they complain, flipping a coin to prove he always gets his own damn way.]

It's orange. [:|]

I'm surprised there's no spades on there. Or are the smiley faces supposed to represent Whitebeard?

Well, the faces were used on my old jolly roger. [He takes his hat off and looks at it, a bit distant.]

Nah. I just like 'em.

It suits you.

[Doesn't explain that, just orders another drink.... and then suddenly chokes. Oh. Oh. Bright red. YEAH THAT WAS DELAYED. And no don't ask the thought process, but he just figured out what Ace meant when he was talking about chasing. Damn you Fire-fist. And he fidgets and tries to see if he can get his zipper up. :|]

[He sees Smoker choke and turn bright red. The zip up his jacket.]

Aw, come on! You're not gonna hide your rack, are you? Geez, you're such a virgin.

[Just when he didn't think he could get more red.... worse than a cooked lobster here. Ears and everything. And that smoke might be twice as thick now.]

THAT--!

[Drops the hand on the zipper and punches Ace in the chest instead. Only, he's half of his height and didn't figure the distance between their stools so well, and falls over.]

Fuck. [Gee, no, he's pretty sure this could not in fact get worse. A girl, and making an idiot of himself in front of his sworn prey's big brother.]

Do all criminals think with their penis?! [Yelling that in public. Fuck his life. So much. And just even more bright red. Can he die here now? He'd like that.]

[At first he just cracks up, but then catches her when she falls.] Oi, you okay?

[And then... she yelled. Something very vulgar. He just kinda stares and blinks. Then gets kind of annoyed.] Oi, I resent that! What's wrong with wanting to look at a hot girl!?

[...] Unless you don't like looking at them. [Yes. He just called you a hot girl.]

[Flusters more because he got caught.]

I'm not a hot girl! That's what! [Folds arms, trying to be manly and gruff and oh fuck it. Ikki already told him it didn't work and Lupin told him it was just distracting.]

How would you feel if it was reversed? [Would Smoker hit on girl!Ace? You know what. That is not a place he wants to go. Shoving that thought out of his head now.] It's not like you like shirts anymore than I do-- [Oh. Ace is wearing a shirt :| Damn it Ace. You ruined his argument. So he just huffs, forgetting that this only emphasizes his chest more.]

[Flattest look ever.] Please tell me you're joking. I'm gonna deny this until the day I-- [...] I'll deny this forever, but you are hot. [That left a weird taste in his mouth. He quirks an eyebrow a little. If it were reversed... he smirks to himself.]

I like to think I'd make a hot girl.

You're making it very difficult to have a real conversation with.

[Still blushing red, but starting to cool down a little.] I'm sure you would too. Idiot. If the Malnosso see fit to turn you into one, I'll be sure to return the favor--

[Climbs back on his stool and chomps on a cigar. YEAH there is no way that that isn't awkward again. Did he just say he would hit on Ace? :| Let's just pretend it's intentional even if the blushing is getting worse again.] Then we'll see how much you like being chased.

[Arms still folded, but he might be inching that zipper discreetly down a little. Damn you shirts for being annoying.]

[STOPS. AND. STARES. Did Smoker almost say what he thought he almost said.

Y E P. Shit-eating grin.] Oh, I'll definitely hold you to that. Hopefully I won't embarrass myself as much as you, though. [Pokes her cheek.] I've never seen anyone blush this much.

[And he is going to side eye that shirt being unzipped. ~~Just yank it down, god.~~]

[Blushes forever. FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. Oh god he can't look at that grin. He seriously doesn't remember those grins getting to him this much before.]

I didn't mean it. [Mumbled and debates pulling the zipper back up... yeah he's going to just... nudge it up... a little...]

And I don't blush! [...] That much. [Making it worse... And he just gulps.] Are they really that--? [Glances down at his boobs trying to appraise them for hotness levels and failing... then realizing what the fuck he just did in front of Ace. WELL this day can't get worse.]

Oi. [Tries for a flat stare at Ace.] Eyes up here. [Oh... but the blushing. AND YUP BEET RED. You know what? He's just going to give up on life.] No wait. That's bad too.

Stupid pirates... Why couldn't you be a marine?

[.... This was a train wreck of epic proportions. Did he basically just say all of this attention would have been welcome if Ace wasn't a pirate? YUP. And technically, how much is Ace even a pirate now? And did he just try to mentally justify Portgas D. Ace again? Fuck his life.] Not... that that would make it better...

[He is not going to laugh, he's not going to laugh, he's not going t-- shit, he's chuckling. He's going to hide those behind his hand and try not to burst into laughter and make Smoker feels worse.

Even though that would be hilarious.] I never thought I would see you this flustered. Now I've seen everything. Shit, I wish I had a vision dial.

[He attempts a growl, which even to Smoker, sounds cuter than it should be.]

Keep it up and I'll make you flustered, brat.

Oh yeah? [He gets his face quite close to hers, leaning over her a bit to add for... idk suspense or intensity. Yeah. He tilts her chin up a little.]

I'd like to see you try.

[Stubbornly keeps right on tsun-ing in Ace's direction, even leaning a little closer? Did Ace really think he could be scared off like that? Hell no, he wasn't going to let the Malnosso or some stupid freckled pirate get the best of him. And wow he can practically count the freckles this close. And oh, it's very unsettling to be smaller than Ace. For the record.]

I don't think you would, and then you'd run away and I wouldn't get what I came here for. [But damn it boy, he's not getting it now anyway, and you're getting on his last nerve. >:| So drastic times call for drastic measures. And fidgeting a little, Ace is really close. And Smoker does a rare thing... and removes the cigar. Dramatically.]

[Oh, she got rid of the cigar. Well, he can't waste this. He leans closer, mouth barely an inch away from hers. He speaks in a whisper.]

I don't run away, remember? [And he finally leans in to kiss her. ~~Ooooooh, so this is why people ship them.~~]

[Well. Okay. Damn. That wasn't something Smoker was counting on at all. At all. Yeah, kissing Ace to shut him the fuck up had been his plan, but he didn't know what to do now that Ace did it instead. Other than kiss him back because that whisper and those moves... damn he was good. Smooth operator there, it probably killed with the ladies back home. Even Smoker had to admit... there was a definite charm to it. Smoker already knows he's going to hate himself in a week, but the kiss is already happening, he's not going to be a coward either. Let a pirate scare him? No way.

So he leans up and kisses back, vaguely bemused by how it really is different as a girl. He's not used to NOT having scruff or being rough or the size of his own lips and how they're softer, or any of it. And vaguely he notices things like Ace being superhumanly warm and the smell of a campfire and -- oh god he's kissing a pirate, and he's a girl! -- for the first time EVER, Smoker might be glad he won't remember Luceti back home.

Still... he can't just sit there... like a girl... like someone not himself... So he reaches a hand to Ace's throat and tugs him down by the red beads, to make it more forceful and to exert some control over the situation, though Smoker was quickly beginning to accept he had none.

~~And yes... even people who don't ship them at all have a hard time keeping them from USTing all over.~~]

[To be honest, he didn't expect Smoker to kiss back, much less pull him down by the beads and kiss harder. He smiled a little into the kiss, and tugged her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist. He tried to get his brain to think a little more on what the hell was happening, but it couldn't quite work. Suddenly "what the fuck are you doing" came in, and he pulled away just a bit. He couldn't completely separate, though. Not yet.

~~WELP.~~]

[That's okay, when Ace's arm slips around him, Smoker starts to freak out and pulls back, flushing and looking away.]

That was just....

[Now that he's apart, breathing, and thinking, he doesn't really care what it was. So what if he kissed Portgas? The pirate started it. The reasons didn't matter. If it was a problem he wouldn't do it again. Still, she frowns and stubbornly puts the cigar back.]

Portgas... [Low voice and tone, suddenly keenly aware of everything and everyone in the bar, voices flooding to reach his keen hearing.] Go for a walk with me. Unless you don't trust yourself to handle it? [He practically sneers, both referencing the kiss and the previous claims that they had to have witnesses so Smoker wouldn't kill Ace. As it was... he'd already had too much to drink. Clearly. Clearly. And he wasn't going through the effort of the horribly awkward conversation, getting hit on, kissing Ace, and asking him to stay only to walk away confused and empty-handed. Hadn't Smoker reached a decision in his captivity?] I can't talk here. And I need to stretch after the last month and a half. [His face shows the pain of swallowing his pride to admit that, big eyes glancing away. Well Ace would get it right? He wasn't just asking because of the kiss, and Ace had been in Impel Down, he'd know how it was. And then Smoker messed up and reached for Ace's hand. To drag him out, he told himself, but had it been anyone else under any other circumstances, he was certain he wouldn't have done that.]

[He stares at her for a moment, and the looks away himself. Should he really have done that...? She glances back and shakes his head.] I'll keep my hands to myself.

[Grabbing his hand totally took him by surprise, and he just followed for a while before pulling his hand away.] I know the feeling of being cooped up. Go crazy.

[...just not with him.]

[Shivers and goes for a walk outside, once they're away from enough people, he'll unzip again. Because fuck shirts, that's why. And he doesn't care what Ace thinks of him. Or so he keeps telling himself.]

This place... [He'd been cooped up too long, that's all there was to it.]

You told me once that fighting just because we're marine and pirate is stupid. You still think that applies? [Freshens his cigars to allow him time to pause and let everything sink in.]

[He puts his hands in his pockets and really thinks about this. If he meant here, then...]

Here... yeah, it's stupid. What would we accomplish by fighting here? Nothing. [He shakes his head.] It's pointless.

Good. [Relieved note and drops the hands from his face, looking up with bigger eyes than normal. Looking up. He was never going to get used to this.]

I need...

Someone equal. [After the kiss the whole thing seems more intimate than he wants to admit.] For training. [His ears are bright red, though with luck it'll be dark enough not to be too easily observed. And he just mumbles, kicking some snow.] You're the only equal I've got.

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[Action] female version of this pretendy

[Action] manry lady Smoker

[Action] The manriest XD

[Action] Of course.

[Action] Of course.

[Action] >:3

[Action] lkajsdlaksjd

[Action] this is hideiously beautiful

[Action] SO MUCH

[Action] RIGHT

[Action] Let's bury them, yes?

[Action] I've got the shovels.

[Action] I've got the dirt

[Action] Okay, sweet. Ace still gets a pretty grave, though.

[Action] The prettiest

[Action] yaaaay

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