Captain's Log

[There is absolutely no preamble to this, Smoker just jumps straight into what he considers the most important part in his usual growling tone. And he might be a little extra ticked off with his justice bro being gone. So there's that.]

I'm not sure which of you idiot pirates has my cuffs or what you're planning to do with them, but rest assured if I do not get them returned immediately, I will hunt you down to find them. And I will not be happy when I do. [He says like he's ever happy.]

For the rest of Luceti, welcome new feathers.

My name is Smoker and I'm still offering a variety of self defense classes outside the barracks daily, rain or shine. Jitte, kickboxing, it doesn't matter if you have no experience, if you want to learn you can stop by. Just because you're stuck here doesn't mean you can't keep getting stronger.

[And just like that he slams the journal shut, back to practicing jitte over by the barracks if someone wants to find him in person. He'll also be at the bar later that night drinking alone and looking grumpy.]

And we're out of here. I found the "leader" of the island in the midst of the men in suits. He rewards them with sand dollars and the chasing the bears and bulls is apparently some form of training for an extreme decathlon. Apparently it's spring training like for baseball. Every time this year the bears come down from the mountains and wrestle the bulls for dominance over the island. If you want to know why go send a freaking zoologist.

We're heading through the calm belt everyone, so absolutely no one, I mean no one, not Tashigi or any of you idiots, is to go swimming. I don't care how many daredevils think seaking baiting is great sport, on the Grand Line you might get one or two. Calm Belts will give you dozens. Understood? Tch. Idiots.

Everyone better be training because I'm not rescuing you from dying in the fight. I'm sure Tashigi will offer last minute sparring and darts sessions for all interested parties.

Promotions are being sent in at the end of this month. Start shaping up now.

Allen, get your ass back here before the next island. I'm not fooling around.

Karen, let's talk.
Oh, Happy and I also want to formally invite you and Charle to dinner before we reach the Calm Belts. If it's not too much trouble.

I caught up with Tashigi and sent her back to the ship. Subaru and Kamui will be my backup dealing with the remainders, Zenigata follow the doctors' orders and don't get out of bed. God damn it.

Happy will be scouting the rest of the night, if you need to get a message to someone fast you have orders to flag him down and send him wherever necessary.

Karen I'm sorry I can't be all here but I've got a nurse to stay by your side whenever I have to leave and I'll be back as soon and as often as possible, understood.

Fukuro, we can talk here, and I'll meet you for drinks after I finish up this work if you've still got the time.

God damn it, why can't I get a hold of that infernal woman!?

For everyone else I need to put together a pattern to try to pinpoint a better source for where the fruits are coming from. If you don't mind; report in with what you've eaten (of the oddly colored fruits, I don't give a damn about peanut butter, chicken and cheese -- wait... what the fuck Brooke? Really? That's disgusting!), how or where it was acquired and its ill effects. That is all. Lavi, you're in charge of recording it, I'll sort it out while I can.

Damn I could really go for some justice pie right about now.

Well that was unpleasant. If anyone's hurt, a reminder to see the ship's doctor immediately. Damn. Only 7 of their ships but they still managed to hurt the Lady Justice. I'm using the den den mushis to secure a place to get repairs done but it looks like we'll need to stop by Water 7 as soon as possible. We're sailing at 1/3rd of the speed.

Allen, flu or not, see what you can do about helping to deal with the harpoons in the side of the ship. You'd almost think we were dealing with Hina's ship.

To whomever dropped off the "prisoner" I received with no easy means of identification, thanks. Because I clearly have nothing to do with my time except chase down this idiot's family. And people wonder why I hate pirate scum.

I've got a headache. I'll be in my office with rum and some meds. Don't knock. Karen I could use your help on paperwork.

Oh and who the hell invited a damn cat on this ship? This pet thing is going a little far people. Adopt a seagull. At least they aren't useless. On that note I have some bamboo for you Lass.

Havoc... hn. Not a bad job. Damages would probably be worse without you but see what you can do about that backlash. Damn.

All hands on deck. The rest of you get the hell on the ship.

I got a final lead on the pirates smuggling arms into this island and we're going hunting now. We'll be back to the Island by the 30th. Except a lot of fighting and rain.

Haru, thanks for the... thing... you did.

Oi Wolf. We gotta talk.

The rest of you stupid punks. Bounties are out. Russia has one, Mello, Matt, Straw-Hats well you know about the rest. Spain you better get your ass on fixing it if you're so insistent of your innocence. Elphaba apparently "excessive use of sparkles" doesn't count as a good enough reason. She'll just have to bug Sengoku personally.

And finally whoever sent the assortment of marine-related jokes to my emails is going to get my boot up their ass the minute I find out. Damn kids.