Captain's Log

[This is a man who sounds pretty angry. Of course if you know Smoker well, then you might know he often sounds like that. Still, even for Smoker, clearly something's set him off.]

Welcome to New Feathers, if you haven't heard about the Shifts or Drafts yet, I suggest you look into it. If you want to learn basic self defense I could teach you, or Chun-Li could, or any of other teachers who offer it. Normally I'd offer to teach jitte as well, but I'm using flimsy knock-offs right now because some idiot seems to have borrowed it without permission.

[And here he gives a lethal glare to the camera.] I know a pirate took it before, and I've spent all this month hunting you down. I don't know who took it, but step forward now and I'll be far more lenient than if you continue to make me wait!

[His tone suggests that "lenient" means he'll only beat the thief half to death instead of two-thirds.]

I'll be by the barracks stacking rocks. [And making a snowman. Not that he's going to admit to that to anyone. Except kids maybe.]

The Vice Admiral of this region is apparently off fucking pirates or raising dog-fish, or whatever retarded shit he does, so it falls to me to bring this news to any of you idiots who didn't bother to pick up a newspaper today.

All the bureaucratic crap and political posturing is over with, and the Government's finally admitted that a lot of you are from other worlds, dimensions, or what-the-fuck-ever the official terminology's going to be.

So. All of you from different worlds, go and report to your nearest Marine base, and you can get citizenship papers. I'd recommend it, because any non-citizen who's travelling in World Government territory without diplomatic immunity is likely to be arrested. You all have a month to be registered, and then you're fair game. Yes, it's stupid, but I didn't make the damn rules.

And if you're a pirate, I guess you're just screwed.



And what the hell is going on today?!